Another month has gone by here at Cinema 52. In 2012, I spent a year watching High Fidelity once every week. Then I watched Jurassic Park all throughout 2013. Now I’m finishing up a year of Avatar. And now that September has come to an end, it is time for my monthly recap of the continuing effect these three films are having on my life.

HIGH FIDELITY AND BREAKUPS:
Without going into a bunch of unnecessary details, I was broken up with early in the month, which inevitably got me thinking about High Fidelity.

rob aging

Because breakups are pretty much all this asshole talks about.

And while I don’t usually say this, I think that watching High Fidelity for a year had a fairly healthy effect on me. Why? Because every time I started to get mopey and all “woe is me” about the situation, I started thinking about Rob Gordon, and how I personally want to be nothing like him. So, ahem, without further ado, here are my All Time Top 5 Ways Not to be Like Rob Gordon After a Breakup:

1.) Don’t get angry or resentful. Jeez, if you respect someone enough to be in a relationship with them in the first place, you should probably respect them enough to accept their decision to end said relationship.

2.) Resist any urges to dredge up the past with previous exes. It’s an asshole move, and it’s unlikely that anyone is going to get anything good out of the experience.

3.) Don’t idealize the past. If you’re going to look back, take off the rose-colored glasses. Something obviously didn’t work out. Acting like everything was fine can lead to retroactively painting the breaker-upper as unreasonable.

4.) Don’t wallow in misery, pick yourself up and move on with your life. You’re an adult. Act like one.

5.) Just don’t be an asshole.

So thank you, High Fidelity, for serving as my own personal Highlights for Children.

HighFidelityGoofusGallant2

AVATAR BORE THE BRUNT OF MY UNHAPPINESS:
If you read my viewings for the month of September, you might come to the conclusion that I was a completely miserable wreck all month. This was not the case. The vast majority of the time I was going about my business, living life, and being relatively happy. All of that would change when I popped in Avatar. It became nearly impossible to focus my attention, all my negative thoughts came to the front of my mind, and I generally felt shitty. Hooray?

DREAMS OF PANDORA:
Though I was having a hard time thinking about Avatar during my viewings themselves, the movie had apparently wormed its way into my subconscious, because I had no less than two dreams about running around Pandora-inspired alien planets.

In the first, I simply ran around an alien planet indistinguishable from Pandora while being chased by a cloud of angry bees. It wasn’t much fun.

JakeBees

Something like that.

The second dream was more in-depth, but also involved an alien planet. It was gross, weird plants seeping disgusting liquids, but at the same time fascinating. I had to stop someone very similar to Parker Selfridge from destroying it. The most disturbing thing about the dream was that I was really invested in its outcome (something I have never said about Avatar).

Anyway, whatever, Avatar is getting into my dreams. Yuck.

PAPYRUS:
Well, Avatar has done it. It has ruined an entire font for me. To be fair, it was kind of a shitty font to begin with, but I now cannot see anything written in Papyrus without thinking that it’s about Avatar. I found this out when someone posted this ridiculously stupid quiz to Facebook:

Papyrus

In the event that anyone is wondering, my aura is apparently green.

So that’s it. High Fidelity serves as an example of behavior I want to avoid, while Avatar makes me depressed, causes me to dream about bees, and ruins shitty fonts. Jurassic Park apparently had no effect on me whatsoever. Whoop-a-doo! See you next time.