OBJECTIVE: Watch The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring once per every week of 2014.

WHEN: August 30, 2014, 11:12am. (Week 35, August 24-30.)

WHERE: In the living room of my apartment in Portland, ME.

FORMAT: Blu-ray on a Vizio 47″ LCD HDTV.


PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: Entirely opposed to watching Fellowship right now.

It’s time to make a confession: the third year of Cinema 52, focusing on movies we hate, has been the hardest year to consistently pay attention to our assigned films week after week. John and I have admitted to each other that, at the very least, we keep our phones nearby and frequently check texts and messages during viewings, because even the smallest bit of contact with the outside world refreshes our sanity. Also, I usually take copious notes on whatever topic I’ve chosen to focus on for that week’s viewing of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. Plus, when friends join me, we’re usually chatting about Rings trivia or various plot points. In a nutshell, it’s very rare that I sit in one place, silently, eyes forward the entire time, completely attentive.

But not today.

No phone. No notes. No friends. And to prove that I did it, time lapse photos, baby.

That this movie bores the piss out of me? This was an excruciating viewing, but thankfully, it yielded lots of data. Okay, not really. I assure you that all of the yawns are authentic. I look especially drained (so much so that I start messing with the time lapse just to amuse myself) once we get to Lothlorien, which makes sense, since holy shit, the death of Gandalf is a perfect place to stop. It’s been two hours, the Fellowship has been sufficiently shaken up, where do they go from here and why is there another hour of movie??

You’ll notice I grabbed the notebook at one point. Something must have REALLY warranted writing down, but I don’t remember what it was because my pen died. Nuts.

A death more tragic than Boromir’s.

Anyway, so that’s done. It sucked. Back to jotting down how many times Gimli farts or whatever.

The time lapse has got me wishing for a stop-motion cave troll, but barring that, Gumby.

Walls ain’t shit to Gumby. He’d be through Moria in a day.