WHEN: July 31, 2014, 5:13 pm. (Week 31, July 27-August 2.)
WHERE: In my apartment in Portland, ME.
FORMAT: DVD on a 19” AOC LED computer monitor.
PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: Woozy, post-nap.
EARTH MOVER – A PROMISE UNFULFILLED:
If Avatar 2 doesn’t use that giant earth mover, I’ll shit myself in rage.
Just look at that thing. So cool.
Within its first five minutes, Avatar presents us with the ultimate promise. It shows us a really frigging cool earth mover. I mean, holy shit, guys, that thing is huge.
Yet, as the movie progresses, we get no additional scenes with this impressive piece of mining equipment. I don’t want to see Jake exploring his new body. I WANT THE EARTH MOVER.
Pictured: no one gives a shit, because it’s not the goddamn earth mover.
It isn’t as though there isn’t a place for the earth mover in the plot. Later in the film, Quaritch mobilizes his troops to attack the Tree of Souls. He turns the shuttle into a bomber to drop mining explosives on it. This plan doesn’t end up working so well. Which leaves me wondering, why didn’t he use the earth mover? I mean, this thing was explicitly designed to literally rip Pandora a new asshole. Why not point the fucker right at the Tree of Souls and let it rip? I straight up dare Eywa to come up with something to take it out. The thing is a tank. Well, not literally. Literally it is an earth mover, which is good enough for me. Fuck yeah, earth mover.
They dropped the ball the first time, but they dare not do it again. 2017.
Avatar 2: THIS TIME WITH EARTH MOVER.