Hello. 52 weeks of watching Top Gun, 52 weeks of watching Back to the Future, 52 weeks of watching The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring. Sounds pretty easy until you try it. I’ve currently finished 8 months of Fellowship; here’s how my sanity held up in August of 2014.

Visual representation.

On August 4th, I dreamed about meeting with studio executives to discuss adding a rave scene to The Fellowship of the Ring for a new Blu-ray release. And now, kindly watch whatever the hell this thing I found on YouTube is.

Also on August 4th, I read this Cracked article that mentions why the garbage squid in Star Wars makes no sense, at which point I compared it to the Watcher in the Water from Fellowship and complimented Rings for being more logically sound. This may be the first time I have ever claimed any aspect of The Lord of the Rings is better than Star Wars.

On August 10th, and only because I was playing back-up to a new trainee at work, I started reading The Two Towers. I needed something to fill my time that I wouldn’t mind putting down every so often, and that’s Tolkien. What did I think? Eh. Splitting it up into Aragorn’s adventure and Frodo’s adventure really sucked, and I don’t blame the movie for intercutting the two. I did not enjoy it as much as reading Fellowship, for various reasons, but I’m going to blame the chapter where they make soup. I finished the book on August 16th.

On August 16th, I saw this TV tower with a blinking red light at the top and thought of Sauron’s tower.

And it blinked off on EVERY picture I took.

On August 8th, I started to write to Cinemanaut John about coming to my place and that he’d have to get himself “there and back again.” I cringed as the Fellowship end credits song lodged itself in my brain for the rest of the day.

Oh, this one freaked me out. On August 22nd, I was enjoying some lunch in the break room at work when I suddenly heard “May It Be” over the podcast I was listening to. I assumed my phone’s video player had accidentally loaded up Fellowship, but this wasn’t the case. I threw off the headphones and was terrified that I could still faintly hear it. I really mean it… I thought I had snapped. I ran out of the break room and found out that a couple of guys were testing some new speakers in the next room, and apparently Hobbit shit is just tops for testing bass.

On August 28th, I saw a Fellowship joke coming in a YouTube video review of The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement. Julie Andrews says “a queen is never late” or some shit, and I felt Gandalf comin’ on. And Gandalf came on.

Now forget that I watch reviews of Princess Diaries movies.

And finally, on August 29th, I had the music from Bilbo’s birthday party stuck in my head all day.

Let’s not. I had no Back to the Future-related results in August.

My first Top Gun result of the month occurred on August 3rd. I overheard somebody at work apologize for bothering someone on a Sunday, at which point I flashed back to that scene in Top Gun where Maverick apologizes to Viper for bothering him on a Sunday. I think we all remember that classic moment.


On August 5th, I turned on the radio to hear some generically bitchin’ guitar solo, and I made it through the whole thing before I realized it was “Danger Zone” by Kenny Loggins. Is Top Gun‘s soundtrack starting to wear off? Let’s hope.

And lastly, on August 23rd, I dreamed that I was tasked with reuniting a fighter pilot’s head with his body so he could get into Heaven. While we were traveling, we had a conversation about how sad it is that Tom Cruise is dead. I’m not sure which is stranger, that Tom Cruise isn’t actually dead or the fact that this isn’t even the first dream I’ve had where Tom Cruise is dead.


I promise I don’t wish death upon you, Mr. Cruise.