OBJECTIVE: Watch Avatar once per every week of 2014.

WHEN: June 27, 2014, 2:43 pm. (Week 26, June 22-28.)

WHERE: In my apartment in Portland, ME.

FORMAT: Blu-ray on a Vizio 47″ LCD HDTV.

COMPANY: My brother Matt.


I would like to take a couple of minutes today to talk about Colonel Quaritch’s attempt to recruit Jake to spy on the Na’vi. Things start off quite well. The Colonel bonds with Jake over war-fightin’ stuff, and shows him his scars. Everything’s hunky dory.


Establishing camaraderie is a great first step in interdepartmental espionage.

Next he attempts to inform Jake that the avatar team are a bunch of ineffectual chodes. This is a logical progression. Unfortunately Quaritch entirely fumbles the execution by saying that the avatar program consists of “a bunch of limp dick science majors.” This would be a fine phrase to use, were it not for the fact that Jake is a paraplegic. There is a very real chance that his dick is very literally limp. All the time. It’s probably a sore spot.


Reminding someone of their nonfunctional genitalia is a terrible second step in interdepartmental espionage.

Jake doesn’t seem too offended, so in the end I guess it really doesn’t affect the price of beans. But still, couldn’t he have gone with literally any other phrase?

Maybe I’m just being picky, but this seems like a problem that another couple runs through the script might have solved. I doubt that it was James Cameron’s specific intent to match Quaritch’s words to Jake’s physical limitations. If it were, It probably would have been ham-fistedly rammed into our faces. Maybe I’m just being picky, but I’m going to go ahead and heap this onto the pile of reasons I hate Avatar. See you next week with another one!