OBJECTIVE: Watch Avatar once per every week of 2014.

WHEN: April 12, 2014, 1:23pm. (Week 15, Apr 6-12.)

WHERE: In my apartment in Portland, ME.

FORMAT:  DVD on a 24” Philips CRT television.

COMPANY: None.

PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: Feeling sick.

JAKE AND THE DUCKFACE GOAT

Once upon a time there was a beautiful little moon called Pandora.

Pandora

This little moon was filled with all sorts of wonderful animals.

HelicopterBirds

But the animals didn’t like Jake Sully fucking around with their shit.

LemurGlare

So they attacked the motherloving fuck out of him.

JakeScared

The hammerhead rhino charged him.

HammerheadRhinoCharge

The thanator tried to maul him.

ThanatorMaul

The weird shitty jackals tried to eat his face off.

Viperwolf

The banshees tried to kill him.

JakeBansheeHunt

Even duckface goat made a duckface at him.

DuckfaceGoat

But then Jake became one with Pandora, and prayed to Eywa.

JakePray2

“Could you please help me kill all my old friends?” prayed Jake.

JakePray

So Eywa helped Jake, by sending all the animals to kill his old friends.

BansheeFlock

The hammerhead rhino trampled some dick in a mech suit.

HammerheadRhinoSmash

The thanator fought some other dick in a mech suit.

ThanatorVsQuaritch

The weird shitty jackals nipped at some dicks who weren’t lucky enough to be wearing mech suits.

ViperwolfNip

And the banshee tossed some guy out of a motherfucking helicopter.

BansheeBite

But duckface goat didn’t do a goddamn thing to help.

DuckfaceGoat

The moral of this story?

Duckface goat gives no shits about you, and will fucking leave you to die.

Don’t trust that fucker.

DuckfaceGoat

The End.