WHEN: April 12, 2014, 1:23pm. (Week 15, Apr 6-12.)
WHERE: In my apartment in Portland, ME.
FORMAT: DVD on a 24” Philips CRT television.
PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: Feeling sick.
JAKE AND THE DUCKFACE GOAT
Once upon a time there was a beautiful little moon called Pandora.
This little moon was filled with all sorts of wonderful animals.
But the animals didn’t like Jake Sully fucking around with their shit.
So they attacked the motherloving fuck out of him.
The hammerhead rhino charged him.
The thanator tried to maul him.
The weird shitty jackals tried to eat his face off.
The banshees tried to kill him.
Even duckface goat made a duckface at him.
But then Jake became one with Pandora, and prayed to Eywa.
“Could you please help me kill all my old friends?” prayed Jake.
So Eywa helped Jake, by sending all the animals to kill his old friends.
The hammerhead rhino trampled some dick in a mech suit.
The thanator fought some other dick in a mech suit.
The weird shitty jackals nipped at some dicks who weren’t lucky enough to be wearing mech suits.
And the banshee tossed some guy out of a motherfucking helicopter.
But duckface goat didn’t do a goddamn thing to help.
The moral of this story?
Duckface goat gives no shits about you, and will fucking leave you to die.
Don’t trust that fucker.