I have now seen The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, a film I loathe, seventeen times this year, because when I come up with a dumb experiment, I see it right the fuck through.

Frodo looks how I feel right now.

Well, if you come to our site not for the film analysis but to watch our brains melt into sludge, here’s how weeks and weeks of this overblown hiking trip is affecting my outside life.

My first feeling of “this is atypical of my relationship with Lord of the Rings” occurred on April 7th, when I posted the following image from my sci-fi reimagining of The Fellowship of the Ring to reddit.


The post received 20 upvotes on the LOTR subreddit on its first day, and that’s when it hit me: I was finally able to make jokes about this franchise that appealed to fans of this franchise. This scared me. It still does. Will I have this superpower a decade from now, my secret identity being a guy that can’t stand these movies? Has Fake Movie Science gone too far?? Have I thought of the children???

Uh oh, Tolkien’s in my dreams, too. On April 10, I dreamed I was invisible. There was no ring involved, and I couldn’t turn it off, but I have to assume it’s a by-product of constant exposure to Fellowship, especially since I’ve never had an invisibility dream before.

Despite my love of H. G. Wells and terrible acting The Fantastic Four.

Oh, and I hate to say this, but I started reading The Hobbit. Here’s the deal: I can’t spend all year yelling at nerds, “Don’t tell me the book explains it!” without seeing for myself if the book explains… it. So I cracked open The Hobbit on April 11th. I’ve read it before, in high school, but that doesn’t make it any easier. And what’s worse, I can’t read it without hearing Shire music. Nor can I enjoy beautiful spring weather without hearing Shire music. It’s in my head now. Forever?

Dang it, I made another LOTR joke, and again, not at the expense of the fans. From April 28th:


What is that? What am I doing? Who makes that joke? Apparently I do now. And I quake with fear each time I decide that, yes, this wizard joke must be made. I feel ill.

My gloriously happy year of watching Back to the Future every week in 2013 may be behind me, but I may have come across a withdrawal symptom. On April 20, I wanted to watch something on Netflix and casually threw on Family Ties. And then I kept watching. For the next several days. And haven’t really stopped yet. I questioned this behavior repeatedly; the show had some funny moments, but it’s not exactly Must See television. It’s kitschy and saccharine and super ’80s. Am I watching it ironically? Have I just run out of shows? Or… do I miss having a certain someone in my life on a regular basis?

Come back, Mike!

While I’ve always been more of a fan of the writing and cinematography of Back to the Future, last year’s experiment helped me appreciate Michael J. Fox’s talents as a comedic actor. I mentioned in that article how Michael can take lukewarm material and launch it into the stratosphere, and every episode of Family Ties shows him doing just that. I can’t look away. The guy’s amazing. We all need more MJF in our lives.

Hey, let’s not. I exhibited zero behaviors this month that appeared to be relevant side effects of my 52 weeks of watching Top Gun, and that’s completely fine by me.

I’d like to celebrate the occasion with this image from Fire Birds.