With eight viewings of The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring already under my belt this year for some dumb self-inflicted experiment, unique patterns are beginning to emerge. For starters, it feels like I’m mysteriously missing 24 hours of my life.

You’re killing me softly, Pete.

LET’S TALK FELLOWSHIP:
One of the most unexpected side effects of constantly watching big tall wizards and tiny little Hobbits running around together is a loss of perspective during other movies. While unfortunately watching A Talking Cat!?! on February 1st, some characters walked through an unusually large door, and I immediately assumed that they were Hobbits.

Rather than assuming it was shot in some rich asshole’s house.

Painfully unwatchable low-budget family films aside, it also seems that repetition does not necessarily improve my memory of a film I hate. On February 9th, I took part in a movie trivia contest and utterly failed to name the film that this line comes from: “I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.” Why, that’s from The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, a movie I’d already watched six times this year!

Whatever. I still won. Twice.

Here’s an embarrassing one: for a period of about three days (Feb. 12-14), I kept catching myself chanting Arwen’s little water-horse spell in moments of stress. Which, because I don’t speak Elvish or give a shit, came out as “Ree-mo-nee-mo-nee!”

Thanks for the assist, subtitles.

Oh, and while the music from LOTR is constantly invading my head at this point, on February 15th, I caught myself beatboxing the theme in the shower. As we all know, anyone who beatboxes sounds absolutely amazing and I am no exception, so let’s just leave that to your imagination.

LET’S TALK FUTURE:
Even though my weekly viewings of Back to the Future are far behind me, I managed to conjure up a dream that was a serious threat to my nerd cred. On February 4th, I dreamed that there was a convenient time travel service where customers could just walk in and take a trip through the fourth dimension. I popped in and requested a visit to the premiere of Back to the Future. They asked me the date the movie was released… and I didn’t know. Everybody made fun of me: “Some fan you are!” I tried to look up the date on my phone, but I couldn’t get any signal, watching helplessly as groups of tourists took off for Ancient Rome or the 1960s.

I’m on my way, you guys– wait, is that Phil Collins?

LET’S TALK GUN:
Even though my weekly viewings of Top Gun are far, far behind me, that didn’t stop visions of Val Kilmer’s Iceman from sneaking into my mind at the most unexpected times. While reading this Cracked article about the linguistic shortcomings of English on February 12th, I was fascinated to learn about the many different forms of “you” that other languages have. Out of nowhere, I wondered which form of “You!” Iceman is shouting at Maverick at the end of Top Gun.

I believe it’s informal singular macho.

Also, on February 26th, I accidentally ran out of the house without my warm fuzzy winter hat. With no time to go back, I dug around in my backpack, and to my surprise, I did have a hat in there…

I am still dangerous.

I stared at myself in the reflection of a store window for a bit while waiting for the bus. I did not want to look like a fan of Top Gun. I did not want to look like a fan of the military. And I especially didn’t want anyone to start up a conversation with me about the movie. Luckily, it didn’t really keep my head warm, so back into the bag it went.