August was the culmination of my Summer of Shit.
Just like this, but with shit.
Work was the primary culprit in this scatological summer. My work life was dictated by those who rarely do any direct care and I ended up resigning from my second job due to poor supervision and awful communication. My full-time position was peppered with resignations and insufficient staffing. I like things to be ordered and follow some kind of logic. My life was severely lacking any of these things this summer, so watching The NeverEnding Story was a bit of a relief. It was like going to the gym or grocery shopping; a mindless routine that I felt comfort in completing since the rest of my life felt like it was a hurricane of stupidity.
Sanity, don’t fail me now.
The NeverEnding Story was just another thing to accomplish. Nothing more. It was a constant in a summer of upheaval. It didn’t influence me in any particular way except for giving me 94 minutes to zone out on reality. I’ve mentioned the box-like nature of my brain before and August proved to be no different. In fact, I was stressing out about work so much that there wasn’t room for much else. The film existed during my viewings, then blinked out of existence as soon as I hit the remote’s power button. Viewings became more of a time for quiet meditation and offered the opportunity to not worry about the bullshittery of work. Thanks for that, film.
One might think that I would feel more akin to the message that adulthood is dull and to keep dreaming to remain happy. It is a nice sentiment, but adulthood has its ups and downs just like the rest of life. The Summer of Shit was a hearty down, but I know that work problems are usually temporary. I also have the fortune of working in a specific part of the health field that will always be hiring, so I can choose another job even when the economy is still recovering. Imagination and dreaming certainly help keep you happy, but you can’t escape reality forever; that’s called being delusional.
My hope is that the rest of the year will feel a bit more like I participate in my viewings instead of just letting them wash over me like white noise. I still like The NeverEnding Story, but I didn’t get any enjoyment out of my August viewings. Since things seem to be settling in at work, September looks more promising. Stability helps like that.