WHEN: 5:22pm EST, July 6th, 2013

WHERE: In my apartment in Portland, ME

FORMAT:  DVD on a 24” Philips CRT television

COMPANY: None

MENTAL STATE: Tired. Too hot to focus.

HOW HOT IS JURASSIC PARK?:

No, I’m not asking how sexy Jurassic Park is.

MalcolmSattler

Though maybe I should.

See, it was 88 degrees Fahrenheit out, very hot for Maine, and as I lay there watching Jurassic Park, I wondered: were the characters in the movie as miserable as I was? As such, I determined to seek out the likely temperatures of the locations seen in the film.

Though the movie does not specify a month, the book states that the events take place in August, so that is what I based my meager findings on.

SNAKEWATER MONTANA:

Grant and Sattler’s dig site in Snakewater Montana always looked a bit on the arid side of things. Was it the heat that pushed Grant over the edge with that petulant child?

GrantBadlands

Since Snakewater is fictional, I checked the temperatures for Makoshika state park, also in Montana’s badlands.

Average August High Temperature: 88 Degrees Fahrenheit

Record High: 113 Degrees Fahrenheit

Conclusion: Alright, I’m glad I’m not excavating Raptor skeletons right now.

MANO DE DIOS AMBER MINE:

How about the amber mine where Gennaro meets Rostango at the beginning of the film? Was the heat bad enough for our lawyer friend to change into short shorts for the duration of the movie?

ManoDeDios

Again, since Mano de Dios is a fictional mining site, I’m going with the site of another amber mine in the Dominican Republic, Sabana de la Mar.

Average August High Temperature: 84 Degrees Fahrenheit 

Conclusion: Still reasonably warm, I suppose it all depends on whether it’s hotter or cooler inside the mine proper. Sadly, I was unable to find out average amber mine temperatures using my rigorous research methods.

ISLA NUBLAR:

This is the big one, the island off the coast of Costa Rica that houses Jurassic Park.  How much money would Hammond have to invest in AC?

IslaNublar

Well, Isla Nublar is fictional too. So fictional, in fact, that I was unable to find any comparable islands off the coast of Costa Rica. They’re all too small, or ridiculously far out to sea. The closest I was able to find was Cocos Island. It’s an isolated little national park, and as such I was unable to find precise weather information for it.

I did, however, find that it rains for several hours, almost daily, for most of the year.

Gennaro Lightning

Better get used to that thunder, Gennaro.

CONCLUSION:

Turns out there aren’t many resources available for people who want to know the weather statistics of fictional locations. Who knew?!