WHEN: 3:30pm EST, April 24, 2013 (give or take some trailers)

WHERE: The Cinemagic in Westbrook, Maine

FORMAT:  3D digital projection.

COMPANY: My friend Phil, and two other theatergoers.

PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE:  Went in tired of Jurassic Park in 3D, but ended up thoroughly enjoying myself.


The late Richard Kiley was a respected Broadway actor, known for his rich sonorous voice. But in the fictional world of Jurassic Park, he is also one of the privileged few who know about a secret island of dinosaurs. Is this a face you can trust?


“Don’t worry, I didn’t win two Tonys for being a blabbermouth.”

I bring this up because the months leading up to the opening of the park are a sensitive time, and secrecy is key. Government interference, industrial espionage, and poorly timed media buzz could all result from an information leak. How well is InGen hiding their tremendous achievement?

Richard Kiley is certainly a fine choice to provide narration for the tour. But in giving him the job, InGen must have been aware that he stood a decent chance of figuring out what they were up to. He would have a wealth of information about each dinosaur in the park. His narration would likely promote other park features. What could this voice-over be for, but an actual park? A video game, perhaps? Maybe, if videogames in 1993 didn’t look and sound like this, hardly an appealing job for a respected actor. Add a complicated non-disclosure agreement, and Mr. Kiley will know he’s gotten mixed up in something big.

While Kiley is just one man, with each additional person in the know, the odds of the secret slipping multiply.


If you want to keep a dinosaur-related secret, flying around in a helicopter disrupting busy paleontological digs that you fund is probably imprudent. Yet Hammond chooses to do just that.


“Dick move!”

Everyone at that dig will now have one question on their minds: What was so urgent that Hammond had to fly out to the middle of nowhere unannounced? This particular dig site is isolated enough that this sort of event is going to be big news. For the next week “What’s InGen up to?” will be the number one topic on people’s minds (after “my asscrack is full of sand”, of course).

Sure, the odds that they’ll put two and two together are slim to none, but why take the chance? Hammond clearly gives no shits.


As I’ve noted before, Jurassic Park has a lot of employees. Each and every one of them is an information leak waiting to happen. It makes one ask: are all of them in a “need to know” personnel? Is it wise to have large numbers of construction workers in on your company’s dinosaur secret?


Including at least seven dedicated to putting up unnecessary scaffolding…

It seems like these facilities could have been constructed before the dinosaurs were too big to hide. Or maybe after the park had been announced. It seems like poor timing.


Security-wise, Hammond is in a leaky boat. Just from the elements of the park’s operation we see in the movie, I can see several areas in which improvements could easily have been made:

1. Don’t record the tour narration till right before the park opens.

2. Helicopters aren’t the most efficient means of contacting paleontologists. Try a phone.

3. Build the buildings, then put the dinosaurs into their paddocks.

Really, with their intellectual assets so far out in the breeze, it’s a wonder Dodgson didn’t steal all their plans earlier.


“How did I find out about the park? You must be kidding. I got calls from a scaffolder, a paleontology intern, and a Broadway actor. Everybody’s talking about it.” 


Friend-of-the-site Phil Hobby was unable to join us when we saw Jurassic Park in costume, but still wanted in on the fun. So when he joined me for my viewing today, he came dressed up as everyone’s favorite character, Lewis Dodgson:


Dodgson! We got Dodgson here!


See? Nobody cares.