WHEN: 1:20 pm EST on January the 17th, 2013

WHERE: Number 1

FORMAT: DVD on Tobor (my computer)

COMPANY: My Lady Via Skype, though she can’t see the movie.

PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: I am refreshed from my breakfast. I am still drinking Earl Grey, hot.

REACTIONS OF NOTE:

  • I have always wanted to know how they did the card-catalog-flying-out special effect.
  • I laughed at the “I can tell you what the effect is” line.
  • Ray gets one of his ears pulled by Venkman in the library, in the second Ghostbusters Venkman pulls on both of his ears in Ray’s book shop.
  • I have always wanted to karate chop something out of someone’s hands and yell, “Stop that!”
  • I have always wanted to know what Peter and Ray are drinking. I think it is Hot Damn.

THOUGHTS:

I was reminded of something this week. I used to work at a summer camp. Well, it was more like a day camp but we called it a summer camp. In the afternoon we normally went to a public pool and let the kids go nuts. If it was raining, though, the pool would not open and we would find a movie to watch instead. The only bad thing about this was the fact that we were limited to movies rated below PG-13. Now, I do not know how many PG or G movies any of you have watched lately. Most of them suck near as much as Battlefield Earth and feature a talking animal of some sort. By the way, if you want an easy test to see if someone is mentally competent to take care of themselves, have them watch Marmaduke. If they enjoy it, commit them.

Marmaduke: not even once.

I wanted to force the kids to sit through something from my childhood. This was mostly to avoid suicidal thoughts, but also to show these kids what a real childhood is. I was elated when I discovered that Ghostbusters actually fits the PG guidelines that we were required to stick to. Little did I know that this means nothing. Ghostbusters came out in ’84, which was when the rating system used by the MPAA was going through a change. Temple of Doom was a PG movie, and apparently that pissed off some parents enough for the MPAA to restructure the rating system. It happened again in ’86 and then again in ’90. It has not changed since; fun bit of trivia.

On the next rainy day, I brought in Ghostbusters and we watched it. All I have to say about kids today is that programing like The Wiggles and The Fresh Beat Band must have pussified them. Most of the kids were scared of Slimer. Motherfucking Slimer! The character that the shitty run of The Real Ghostbusters was based around (more on that later). I did also have a kid say that this movie might be the type of movie he was not allowed to see. That was right before Dr. Stantz has a dream… yeah.

The thing I was forced to admit to my to myself was that this movie was a very sexual movie, if not totally about sex. This might explain a bit about me and my view of sexuality. I will have to admit that there is a lot of sex in the movie.

NUMBER 1: Bill Murray

Dr. Peter Venkman is all about having sex. Think about it: we open up with Venkman conducting an experiment. Instead of following the parameters of the experiment he tries to use it to set himself up with the attractive co-ed that volunteered. Venkman is old enough to have acquired two doctorates and this girl looks to still be in the undergrad program. It looks like he sabotages his experiment just to impress her. I cannot say for sure that is what he is doing. We as an audience are never able to see his notes. He could be accurately writing everything down about his experiment to see if there is any correlation between negative reinforcement and ESP ability. If so, that might be brilliant. I doubt that is the case though.

The next woman we see him interact with is the librarian, and Venkman asks a question about her menstruation. I know this is more to do with why the vibrator was invented than with him getting lucky with her but… ugh. The vibrator was invented to calm “woman’s hysteria” back in 1880. Again, more trivia facts.

Peter also dismisses Janine as being nonsexual. I think it might be something to do with gender expectations in the ’80s. The only reason I say that is because of the boner that Venkman seems to get upon hearing Dana’s voice. Seriously, let’s break that down.

Peter hears Dana’s voice and then, literally, leaps into action to try and help her. This could be played off as him falling in love with her immediately, but I think it is more along the lines of him wanting to get horizontal. Dana is then brought in front of the rest of the Ghostbusters and tells her story as they conduct some tests. Nearly all of his dialogue is either directly him hitting on Dana, or him trying to show that he is on her side. “I will go to Dana’s apartment and check her out…”

Everything Peter does is motivated by his peter. He does not seem to care too much about anyone else. Yes, he helps his friends when he can, and yes, he does lead the charge when it comes time for the Ghostbusters to potentially sacrifice themselves to save the world, but that is just to get laid. And I will remind everyone that Peter Venkman is my favorite character.

NUMBER 2: The little things

  • “Hey, does this pole still work?”
  • Egon crawls from beneath Jenine’s desk to which she responds, “You’re handy, I can tell.”
  • “If anything is going to happen, I want it to happen to me first.”
  • “That is the bedroom but nothing ever happened in there.” -Dana “What a crime.” -Peter
  • “I can feel it, we are very very close.”

NUMBER 3: Librarians gone wild

The first ghost we see in the movie gets topless. That librarian ghost. Yes, she totally rips her top off. She starts out dressed in her “schoolmarm” finest, and before we know it, her shirt goes missing. Granted, her ghost breasts (two words I never though I would put together) are just off screen, but still. I know they are there.

I would stay away from her mouth, though.

You can even see that the shirt is curled up around the area of her chest. Egon, Ray, and Peter got to see some ghost knockers. Speaking of Ray…

NUMBER 4: Ray gets a blowjob from a ghost

It is only a dream, a glorious, glorious dream, yet it is one of the oddest scenes in the movie for me. During a montage of the Ghostbuster running around “busting” ghosts, we see them all sleeping in the firehouse. While in this scene, we fade into a dream featuring Dr. Ray Stantz. I can only assume that it is Ray having this dream and not any of the other Ghostbusters. It would be really weird if anyone else was having this dream. In the dream Ray is on a bed, dressed as a naval captain or something (I can’t really tell) and there is a woman floating over him. A ghost woman! She fades out and we are then treated to Dan Aykroyd’s tighty-whitey covered junk being exposed. And… well… yes. I think this picture explains it all.

I make the same face.

NUMBER 5: Skeet

This one might be sort of a stretch, but, well, the slime. It is kind of… well… okay, I might just be immature. Saying, “he slimed me,” or, “I got slimed” is very funny if you have the maturity of a seventh-grade schoolboy. I still do. So it is funny to me. This is exacerbated (tee hee) by the fact that the first slime we see is a semi-translucent white substance. The slime from Slimer seems to be tinted green, but it is hard to tell for sure since the lighting in the Sedgewick is rather poor in those scenes.

I have no comment for this.

NUMBER THE NEXT TO LAST ONE: Gate key hole

The big thing about Ghostbusters is that you have to fuck to bring in an extra dimensional entity. Ivo Shandor had performed rituals to bring about the end of the world on top of the building he designed to harness all of the psychic turbulence that took place in New York City. It just so happened that one of the features of the roof was a stone slab that is just big enough for two people to screw on.

I bet all the rituals involved some hard stone. If you know what I mean.

Sex is usually perceived to be part  of some the “black magic” rituals. Well, at least from the Judeo-Christian viewpoint. It would only make sense that Ivo got his freak on as well. This is all assumption, but it does tie in. Sex has actually been used as part of summoning rituals in many cultures through history. Singing, dancing, meditating, working with energies, outright calling forth and sacrificing to entities are also ways to evoke them. None of those are as cinematically appealing as knowing two characters bumped uglies. Hell, it was even featured in The Da Vinci Code.

Sir Ian McKellen?

The two entities that posses Dana and Louis are Zuul and Vinz Clortho: The Keymaster and The Gatekeeper. The key that Vinz is the master of is, well, his penis, and the gate that Zuul is keeping is, well, her vagina. It can be ascertained that these two demi-gods need to take control of two mortals from the dimensional plane that Gozer wishes to travel to and get busy. The union might have to happen in front of a designated gate built by the beings of that plane, or can just happen. That part is kind of unclear. The only thing that is clear is that this consummation has to happen in order for Gozer to arrive. This means that Louis finally got to hit that! He was hoping to start some sort of relationship with Dana and Gozer made that happen.

That is a happy little guy.

Vinz unlocks the gate and both he and Zuul are able to open the door for Gozer. Sex: it brings about the apocalypse. That would be the most effective abstinence PSA ever.

THE LAST ONE: Even the crew was in on it

I remember a long long time ago, on a DVD I still own, that I watched a behind-the-scenes feature on the special effects. The visual effects artists also seem to be cut from the same cloth that I am and are still stuck in the seventh grade, maturity-wise. How do I know this? Penis explosion. And yes, I have a picture.

That is one big fiery dick.

It was a conscious decision to create an explosion that would resemble a phallus. If what I remember is correct, the creative team was determined to slip a penis in the movie somewhere and they did it in one of the most impressive ways possible. Big. Fiery. Penis.

SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

I don’t think that it is very surprising that sex shows up this much in Ghostbusters. This is a movie that heavily features the dead. Some cultures view death as a time of mourning and remembrance. Others view it as a time to celebrate the fact that we are full of life. The best way to do that is to engage in an act that is meant to bring about more life. Sex, or baby-making as it were. Yet, the incorporation of sex and the afterlife into Ghostbusters is not done in a way that would offend the Western view of the two. Sex is used to bring about a destructive deity through ritual. That act can be looked at by anyone of the Judeo-Christian faith as being evil. The two perpetrators, though possessed, were even turned into horned beasts that served Gozer. They were punished for their deed. The Ghostbusters then come along, none of them seeming to have gotten lucky at all and Peter actively turning down sex with a possessed Dana, and save… well, everyone. Through an act that was a surefire way to explode on a molecular level, they were ready to sacrifice themselves in order to save our world, and arguably our dimension.

I am hard-pressed to say that Peter acted for Dana out of love or any sort of deep, stirring emotions that happen above the waist. He and Dana are not star-crossed lovers. She cannot stand him when they first meet. The only real reason that she tolerates him is because Peter is bringing her information on her case. I am sure that Egon and Ray were doing all of the leg work, since Peter couldn’t even pronounce “Hittites” without her help. I am not saying that his initial “husband’s bump” did not manifest into something more by the end of the movie, but more that it did not start out as much more than lust.

The point that I like to take away from this is that the writing reflects how real people fall in love, or at least the start of a relationship. Romeo and Juliet fill the star-crossed lovers quota for me. I don’t need and/or want every story that involves a relationship to be two people that were made for each other. This could be a holdover from The Truman Show, but I think I have always felt that way. Despite the world being built in a way that allows for ghosts to be commonplace and proven to be real, the people still act like people. That is important to me. In You’ve Got Mail, Tom Hanks and Goose’s wife fall in love after they hate each other. Tom Hanks stalks Goose’s wife after realizing that he loved her and did all this nice stuff. He then reveals that he has been stalking her and she is okay with it. No. Bullshit. There is no woman I am aware of that would be okay with that. They might be okay with it after a while but not right away. Dana only likes Peter after he nearly kills himself saving her and her neighbor from a trans-dimensional god that was going to destroy the world. Yes, she was going to have a date with him before she was possessed, but it was also half business. She kisses him for the first time (non-possessed) after the crossing of the streams resulted in an exploding penis.

Boom… again.