Did you know we have Twitter accounts? We do! (Mine is @BillGrayHaHaHa.) So I live-tweeted a Top Gun viewing on September 28, 2012. And now, all those tweets, on a blog, in the correct order!

3:02pm EST – Hello. I’m #LiveTweeting #TopGun today. Just started at 3pm EST.

3:03pm EST – Today is the 39th time I’ve seen the movie this year. #LiveTweet #TopGun

3:05pm EST – We’re going Blu-Ray again. I want to count the hairs in Tom’s unibrow. #LiveTweet#TopGun

3:06pm EST – Today is an experiment in making new jokes about this movie. Hey, everyone’s sweaty! Shit. #LiveTweet #TopGun

3:07pm EST – I hope the trailer for this movie started with Tim Robbins asking, “Goose, you see a trailer?” #LiveTweet #TopGun

3:09pm EST – “If you bit a cloud, you would die.” – Something a kid told me in 2nd grade that I just remembered. #LiveTweet #TopGun

3:10pm EST – @Scribdecahedron You’ll probably want to ignore Twitter for a bit. Check the hashtags. #LiveTweet #TopGun

3:12pm EST – “Maverick has the ball.” I am completely rethinking the symbolic implications of the volleyball scene now. #LiveTweet #TopGun

3:16pm EST – If you follow me solely for my stand-up, thanks! But my life is @Cinema52 now. So enjoy Anthony Edwards tweets! #LiveTweet#TopGun

3:18pm EST – @DieHardNFR REALLY wish Reginald VelJohnson was in this. #LiveTweet#TopGun

3:21pm EST – Iceman is SO proud of his ladies room joke. I’m a comedian. I’m familiar with that face.#LiveTweet #TopGun

3:22pm EST – If the Navy is always talking about dicks, which branch talks taints? I’m gonna guess Coast Guard. #LiveTweet #TopGun

3:24pm EST – @michaeljnelson How many times do you watch a movie before you record a Rifftrax? My guess is 39. #LiveTweet #TopGun

3:27pm EST – I somehow feel MORE alone than watching a movie alone. Even with the ability to tweet@DavidSchwimmer as I watch. #LiveTweet#TopGun

3:31pm EST – Mailbox! The things you notice the 39th time you watch Top Gun. #LiveTweet #TopGun

3:32pm EST – Anybody have any questions? Besides “When is this going to end?” #LiveTweet#TopGun

  • From @TravisCurran at 3:46pm EST – @BillGrayHaHaHa How many lickz does it take it get to the centr of that lady Tom keeps open_mouth kissin’?? (Asking for a friend)
  • From me at 3:54pm EST – @TravisCurran Hi, B-Rad. Getting to the center of Kelly McGillis would probably take a while using one’s tongue. #LiveTweet#TopGun

3:34pm EST – @neiltyson Maverick “hitting the brakes” in a jet: scientifically feasible? I’ve always wondered. #LiveTweet #TopGun

3:35pm EST – @BeccaBascom I looked at Whip Hubley’s man bulge. Still your fault. #LiveTweet#TopGun

3:37pm EST – @alyankovic Have you noticed the man who drops the coffee tray in Top Gun looks like you? Do you get that a lot? #LiveTweet#TopGun

3:40pm EST – Hair ballad is the ONLY way to score a film.#LiveTweet #TopGun

3:42pm EST – Volleyball. #LiveTweet #TopGun

3:42pm EST – Still volleyball. #LiveTweet #TopGun

3:44pm EST – If this movie were made today, the volleyball scene would be paintball. To dubstep.#LiveTweet #TopGun

3:45pm EST – Either this movie nails awkward conversations, or all my interactions with women have been poorly written.#LiveTweet #TopGun

3:46pm EST – Skip! First ever Blu-Ray skip in 39 viewings! This poor baby has seen a lot of use this year. #LiveTweet #TopGun

3:51pm EST – “Is that why you’re always second best up there?” Who says that? People who also say, “You’re always rebelling!” #LiveTweet#TopGun

3:55pm EST – Every single tweet about #MegRyan involves You’ve Got Mail. NOT TODAY. Because she’s in Innerspace, you guys. #LiveTweet#TopGun

3:59pm EST – This movie predates Instagram’s use of shitty filters. #LiveTweet #TopGun

4:01pm EST – @anthonyedwards Your charming grin has gotten me through 39 viewings of Top Gun this year. 13 to go! @Cinema52 #LiveTweet#TopGun

4:01pm EST – Have a bandit day. #LiveTweet #TopGun

4:03pm EST – @Cinema52 isn’t just a job. It’s an adventure! That I’ve spent hundreds of dollars on, so not really a job. #LiveTweet#TopGun

4:04pm EST – Where are you now, Kid Who Plays Goose’s Kid? Anybody know? #LiveTweet #TopGun

4:09pm EST – If one of you recut this movie so that Goose lives and slipped it into my Blu-Ray player, it would blow my mind. #LiveTweet #TopGun

4:15pm EST – I pretty much call the death of Goose “The Boring Zone.” There’s thirty minutes of crying, guys. Not a bro movie. #LiveTweet#TopGun

4:18pm EST – I tried to think of a military movie with less tension and all I came up with was In The Army Now. #TheTVEditRuinsIt #LiveTweet#TopGun

4:19pm EST – Becca just came in! “Thank God, it’s near the end.” That’s why I love her. @BeccaBascom#LiveTweet #TopGun

4:22pm EST – #SeriousTweet Charlie’s suicide joke is especially unsettling in the wake of Tony Scott’s death. I really hate that line.#LiveTweet #TopGun

4:25pm EST – @SethMacFarlane Does Tom Skerritt dispense fatherlike wisdom in real life?#LiveTweet #TopGun

4:27pm EST – Just realized that Cruise and Skerritt are double Toms. #DrummerJoke #Rimshot#LiveTweet #TopGun

4:30pm EST – It’s like a Cinemanaut simulator! #LiveTweet#TopGun pic.twitter.com/wJsZBpCg

4:34pm EST – @MorganSpurlock Top Gun is the McDonald’s of movies, right? @Cinema52#LiveTweet #TopGun

4:36pm EST – Couldn’t figure out why I was thinking of Bane, then realized all the pilots seem too loud for wearing masks. #LiveTweet#TopGun

4:40pm EST – “You’re gonna do WHAT?” It’s line reads like that that made Tim Robbins a star.#LiveTweet #TopGun

4:41pm EST – Hey, is Duke Stroud on Twitter? #LiveTweet#TopGun

4:42pm EST – I am the only person to tweet about Duke Stroud. Ever. Let’s do this right!#DukeStroud #BuzzTheTwitter #LiveTweet#TopGun

4:44pm EST – There are nude titties in Top Gun. They’re in a locker. Also several in Top Guns. They’re everywhere. #LiveTweet #TopGun

4:45pm EST – I loved the Righteous Brothers once. This experiment has caused me to misplace that affectionate emotion. #LiveTweet #TopGun

4:50pm EST – Credits! Thank Christ. What happened, Cheap Trick? Why did you take this gig? Where did Giorgio Moroder touch you?#LiveTweet #TopGun

4:51pm EST – That’s all, folks! Don’t forget to vote! [a currently dead link]  #LiveTweet#TopGun

THOUGHTS:
Live-tweeting is like a terrible episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000 that you force celebrities you think are nice to edit in their own minds. Because you want to be them.

And you can’t italicize movie titles.