I’ve done blue, I’ve done green… what’s this notebook’s bold new fashion statement?


Oh. Well. New notebook, same old shit. How have 32 weeks of Top Gun affected my cognitive abilities? Well, let’s slog through the same 14 songs that always get stuck in my head, God.

*snotty 16-year-old cheerleader noise*

Aug. 7, 2012
3:26am EST – Read the Title Drop entry on TV Tropes. Thought of Stinger saying, “TOPGUN?!”

10:09am EST – “(Sittin’ On) The Dock of the Bay” stuck in head. Sneakily morphed into being from the ashes of Van Halen’s “Panama.”

Aug. 9, 2012
9:47am EST – Read a Cracked article, “7 Studies That Only Proved That Scientists Are Perverts.” One of the headings contained the phrase “Lots of Butts.” Thought of Air Boss Johnson saying, “I WANT SOME BUTTS!”

9:30pm EST – Saw something on Facebook about veterans and pictured an old, disabled Maverick.


Wow. I didn’t even get to throw in a picture with a hilariously vicious caption of disapproval.

Ha! Look at that coat hook!! What’s up with that coat hook?! Fucking coat hook.

So, if you aren’t in the know, I have a serious problem with the music of Top Gun. Week after week after week, my biggest source of scorn is having goddamned “Danger Zone” or some other ’80s fart ballad stuck in my head for the next six days. Pick any random results page. I’m probably bitching about “Mighty Wings” all over it. I actually picked those results links at random. Let’s run some numbers on ‘em.

Number of total Top Gun results from those random links: 56

Number of music-related Top Gun results from those random links: 24

See?! That’s… that’s a thing. Wait, is it? That means 42.8% of those results are music-related. I thought it would be higher. Well, I guess it matters how you categorize all the other results. Dialogue? Cinematography? Is there a difference between actor-related and acting-related?

Alright, so using numbers to convince people may not be my strong suit. The short version: the Top Gun soundtrack getting stuck in my head sends me into a rage, so I found a way to kill it.

 A little while ago, I jokingly theorized that Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet is the perfect album to knock any song from Top Gun out of one’s brain. And because we turn jokes into science around here, I decided to make that hypothesis into an experiment. So, at the end of my last two viewings, I immediately listened to the three albums pictured above.

I think this week’s results definitely support my claim.

Well, not entirely. All we know for now is that the “Top Gun Detox Box” seems to be working so far. We need to move in on exactly what is making it work. Is it just three hours of listening to any music after the movie? Will Oingo Boingo alone do the trick? Will any activity after Top Gun be effective?

My current plan is to keep up the TGDB for the month of August, then we’ll modify the experiment from there. Stay tuned for all the Fake Fun Science.

Oh! I did actually have one more note in my notebook. It was not a Top Gun result per se, but I did write “INTERESTING OBSERVATION” above it.

Aug. 9, 2012
2:55am EST – After my “Danger Zone” wake-up alarm went off, INSTANTLY had Oingo Boingo’s “Dead Man’s Party” stuck in my head.

Did I Pavlov myself?