WHEN: 1:11pm EST, May 24th, 2012

WHERE: My apartment in Portland, ME (Isla Nublar)

FORMAT: Blu-Ray on a Vizio 32″ LED HDTV

COMPANY: A person! A real live person! A person I just met today! Ladies and gentlemen, this is Dani, easily the biggest Top Gun superfan I’ve ever known.

Not just anyone buys a KCIREVAM shirt.

Dani and I met… actually, I don’t know. Gotta look through Facebook. We know a couple of the same comedians, she saw John and me in some web video, she probably liked one of my hilarious and sexy comments on a mutual friend’s status… then it all came together. She found out about this project, absolutely flipped, promoted it everywhere she possibly could, and immediately promised to join me three viewings ago.

Well, now she’s here. Meet Dani. (Oh, and spoilers, I guess? That was me being nice. We’ve been out of The Spoiler Zone for months. You should really see Top Gun. I don’t know why, but you should.)

In case you don’t feel like watching, I challenged Ms. Superfan to a Quote-Off. It’s Love vs. Repetition here on Cinema 52!

PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: Feeling pretty good, got a friend this time, kinda sweaty because it’s warm out, eating pepperoni/bacon pizza.

DANI’S PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: Fantastic! Always fantastic!


  • Dani wants Maverick knuckle tats. “MAVE” on one hand and “RICK” on the other.
  • We’re trying to figure out why all the jets are out of gas and why Stinger wasn’t there the whole time.
  • Dani says Navy men really are this homoerotic.
  • Dani loves Val Kilmer now, but hated Iceman because he was so mean to Maverick.

What you get when you Google “Val Kilmer Now.”

  • This is the first time I noticed there’s a team called Psycho/Bubba on the markerboard behind Viper.
  • Dani spotted a guy putting on deodorant in the background after Iceman’s love bite.
  • After Goose and Mav talk about his dad, Dani thinks she caught Maverick checking out Goose’s butt. “He shoulda blown him.”
  • Dani noticed that Maverick accidentally kicked the table during his date.
  • We don’t get why Maverick has a bad reputation in the Navy because of his dad. It’s not genetic.
  • Dani: “He kicked it again!” Mav just can’t stop kicking tables! I’m sure I won’t be able to ignore this for the rest of the year.
  • And now, the challenge begins…

That was certainly enlightening and not just dumb. Watch her face when I nail “TACTS trailer,” though.

  • I began to tell Dani my theories on Maverick, Goose, and Carole being polyamorists. Then we kind of just started talking about relationships.
  • Is Duke a call sign or a legal first name? Is Maverick’s dad Duke Mitchell or “Duke” Mitchell?

Nancy was the first to observe that none of us will have company at this point in the game. And she’s right; no matter how fun this project seems when you first tell your friends about it, they’re not coming back to watch your movie again.

The only solution, it seems, is to make new friends.

If possible, friends who already like your movie.

Also, and this is a stretch, friends who would like to watch your movie repeatedly. Every week, even. But that’s a real long shot, obviously.


Dani offered (offered!) to join me every (every!) week of the experiment from here on out, both because she loves Top Gun and doesn’t want to see me go insane.

I said yes. Because what is sanity, anyway?

So, we’ll see you next week, everybody!