WHEN: April 28th, 9:46pm EST, 2012

WHERE: Number 8

FORMAT: DVD on Teletraan 1


PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: Kind of neutral, tired, but who is not these days?

FLAVOR ENHANCER: Yuengling Amber Lager.


  • John Wayne looked good throwing a punch. They have some John Wayne movies in the previews.
  • Ed Harris looks like a turtle a little bit.
  • Nick admitted to having conversations while looking in the mirror when no one is around.
  • That is not a beer, Marlon, that is a fake beer. It was invented for the movie.
  • It looks like Truman and Marlon are using an actual wood shafted golf club.
  • Truman wears sweater vests.
  • If Marlon was being that annoying with his trumpet around me, I would have made him eat it.
  • General Rule of Ty: If someone falls on top of me as a first meeting, I do not fall into a relationship with them…. 6 times out of 10.
  • I wonder if that fake beer they made for the movie comes in bottles. I only see it in cans.
  • Nick thinks that the napkin that the travel agent lady comes in wearing is the same kind that they use when someone is getting their makeup done professionally. It is to keep the makeup off their costume.
  • The “we were right together” line must be some sort of catch phrase that Marlon and Truman shared throughout the run of the show.
  • I am sure that amnesia as an excuse for a character not being around is cliche even by 1998 standards.
  • This is the first time the dolphin weathervane registered as an actual prop in the movie.
  • Truman still has a picture of Meryl in his cubicle at work even after she left him.
  • He is also still wearing his wedding ring.

I have thought about it long and hard, for like three seconds, and I have a list of things I would not want to watch Truman do.

1. Pick his nose

I do not know if you have ever noticed, but there are people who reach for the olive nuggets while driving their car around in public. Apparently they do not think that people can see into their car. Truman does not know he is being watched. The internet being the beast that it is, even in 98, you know there was a whole website dedicated to Quicktime movies of Truman massaging his brain.

2. Go to the bathroom

Again, if you have been around the internet you know that some people are into that… kind… of… thing. Yugh.  I would probably laugh my ass off as an immature male at the noises he made though.

3. Exercising

Truman is in good enough shape to have been working out on a regular basis. I do not think that diet alone could account for him appearing as fit as he is. Watching him do any sort of routine would make me feel just a little inadequate about my own physical regiment of… nothing.

4. Deciding how to decorate the baby room

If you look when Truman comes home to Meryl after getting caught in the rain, the room that they are in is unfinished. They are preparing it for the baby they are going to have. I know there are whole channels on cable dedicated to home decorating, and I avoid them like the British avoid dental hygiene. They are as far from anything I might remotely like as you can get.

5. Watch television

That would be way too meta for me to even start to comprehend. Also, why am I not simply watching what he is watching? Why do we not cut out the middle man here?

6. Go through puberty

I went through this myself. I do not need reminding of how awkward it can be to have your voice crack, or get erections at the remote thought that something might be taken in a sexual manner.

7. Taxes

I am not sure that Seahaven has any form of taxes. If it did, though, and Truman had to file them every year, that would just be horrendous to watch.

8. Go clothing shopping

I have many a nightmare about going clothing shopping as a young lad with my mother. Everything had to be tried on in triplicate and anything remotely cool looking was usually vetoed. Given the clothing that Truman wears, I can only imagine that Meryl would have been three hundred times worse. She, as well as the rest of the town, are stuck in a weird-hybrid 1950 style.

9. Go to school

Much like going through puberty, I have already been there and done that. Also, it is clear that some of Truman’s education was falsified to keep him more passive on the island. So not only are the viewers going to relive what it was like to go through education, but they are going to be witness to teachings that are not correct at all. I know several people that that would enrage.

If you tell the children the correct facts, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.

10. Anything with Meryl

I do not know what it is, but I can not stand that woman. She is like the embodiment of all of the self-absorbed women I have ever come to know. It seems that everything she does it to further herself and she does not seem to give a damn about anyone else. The only reason she “cares” about Truman, or anyone for that matter, is because she knows she can get something out of them. She can get more famous by being around Truman. She can get more money from the sponsors by plugging their products. She leaps onto Marlon only because she can find protection from Truman and have him comfort her. Everyone in Seahaven seems to be using Truman for selfish reasons, but Meryl is the only one directly connected to him. I would feel the same way about Marlon if he and Truman were dating. I might have to read some slash fiction to get a better idea on how that would work out… I will need physical, mental, and spiritual protection for that.