WHEN: 10:18am EST, April 21st, 2012

WHERE: My apartment in Portland, ME (Isla Nublar)

FORMAT: Blu-Ray on a Vizio 32″ LED HDTV

COMPANY: Becca in and out, but not really paying attention

PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: Eating cereal, no pants, groggy, a little freaked out by the dreams I’ve been having, some terrible back pain, mostly just trying to get this over with


  • I thought a plane had “NH” on its tail. My eyes lit up because I’m from New Hampshire.
  • I hate when the characters in a movie can’t see an aircraft just because it’s out of frame (see: the helicopters at the end of GoldenEye). The second MiG at the beginning is exploiting this trope, I think.
  • I groaned at Mav’s fist pump. Does he just get that excited when he sees a jet? Is he signaling to the pilot, “I’m one of you”?
  • Do other people live in Miramar? What’s living there like? I must investigate.
  • Maverick looks like a creep when he flirts because every guy looks like a creep when he flirts.

“Join me for intercourse.”

  • There are no fat people in this movie. (Just planning for Halloween.)
  • Becca giggled at “I want some butts!” from the other room. +5 Love Points!
  • This movie gets so close to passing the Bechdel Test. Carole and Charlie could literally move the conversation to farts and this movie would win. It would win at feminism.
  • Love the shot where the three MiGs scatter during the hop. Like somebody spooked the horses.
  • I could really go for a Maverick sandwich right now.
  • Viper has a TOPGUN hat on the stairs and on a lamp. How many hats does he have? Is the upstairs completely covered in hats?
  • Wow. Tim Robbins is tall. Has John observed this yet?

So this bugged me so much, I moved it down to Thoughts, but if you really want to know, yeah, I was complaining to Becca for most of the ending.

Maverick goes back to TOPGUN to be an instructor, right? Here’s a scene I envision happening between him and his first batch of students.

Maverick: Gentlemen, you’re here to learn aerial combat tactics. The TOPGUN program was designed to stop pilots from relying on missiles and to work on their dogfighting skills.

Fireball: Excuse me, sir?

Maverick: Yes, Fireball?

Fireball: What’s your dogfighting experience?

Maverick: Well, myself, Iceman, and Hollywood were involved in a dogfight with several MiGs–

Wombat: They used mostly missiles.

Maverick: Yes, Wombat, I’m sure you’ve read about it, but there’s a difference between reading about it and being there.

Shortbus: I wish I was there! Missiles are exciting!

Maverick: Fuck yes, they are!

Dingleberry: Are you saying that guns are anticlimactic?

Maverick: No… I’m just saying that missiles are a surefire way to end a mov– uh, conflict.

Randy: There are certain rules that one must follow to survive a military movie!

Maverick: Whoa, let’s keep it to a dull meta, gentlemen.

Cheesepenis: So basically, we don’t need to use guns because missiles are awesome?

Maverick: No! That’s not… listen, we used guns, okay? We used them!

Snotrag: But you don’t recommend them personally?

Maverick: It all depends on the situation! You don’t have time to think up there! If you think–

All: (groan)

Spraytan: Sir, can you give us an example of a situation in which you used primarily guns to take down a hostile?

Maverick: Well, I haven’t… uh…

Thaddeus Q. Robot-Elephant: Sir, what exactly is your combat experience?

Maverick: I…

Nintendo Virtual Boy: He graduated from TOPGUN, was involved in one conflict where he relied heavily on missiles, then he became a TOPGUN instructor.

All: (fake coughing) Bullshit!

Sexhammer: Yeah, half of us are the same age as you…

Whiskeyfart: Can we at least see your TOPGUN trophy?

Maverick: I don’t have one. I was in second place…

Hat: I thought there’s no such thing as second place in TOPGUN.

Maverick: THERE ISN’T! (crying) Charlie, brief them on plane physics! (storms out)

(Charlie walks to the front of the room. The class is totally silent.)

Charlie: He cries every time he has an orgasm.

Ghost of Goose: It’s true.