Hey! Morgan Spurlock! Film this!

Because reading is boring.

Week 14 is, like, the most amazing week ever. I guess. There’s porn! Totally some porn. So read on to see how Top Gun ruins everything. Including pornnnnn.

Apr. 1, 2012
10:54am EST – Watching Star Trek: The Next Generation, “The Hunted.” Roga Danar says, “I am dangerous.” Thought of Maverick saying, “I am dangerous.”

8:22pm EST – Had a computer malfunction at work. Heard the lock-on tone sound in my head. This is new.

Apr. 2, 2012
8:51am EST – Heard strains of “Take My Breath Away” as I tried to solve a puzzle John texted me (northeast of Las Quintas Fronterizas = Maverick County, Texas?)

9:57am EST – On the phone with Ty. He did an impression of Nancy. I shouted, “I WANT SOME BUTTS!” Not because I want Nancy’s butt, but because I was feeling military.

5:44pm EST – Saw a news story on a rescue helicopter. Thought I was thinking of a helicopter from Apollo 13, but it was Top Gun.

Whoa, that little frog drawing from the movie was really on the helicopter. I learned something today.

Apr. 3, 2012
3:34am EST – Hummed “Mighty Wings” while fooling around in Excel.

10:22pm EST – Somebody mentioned a co-worker named Charlie. I pictured Kelly McGillis from Top Gun. Mostly her hair.

Apr. 4, 2012
6:24pm EST – Started saying “Bill Badalato” over and over because it’s fun. That’s a name from the opening credits of Top Gun.

No idea if this is the real Bill Badalato. But I friended him on Facebook to find out.

10:49pm EST – Watching a guy rim a lady in Top Guns. Thought of the guy who says “buttnose” in the showers in Top Gun.

11:33pm EST – Watching Top Guns. A kiss was a little too licky and I thought of the sex scene from Top Gun.

Apr. 5, 2012
9:39pm EST – At a comedy show. The transition music reminded me of “Playing With the Boys.”

11:52pm EST – Watching Star Trek: The Next Generation, “Sins of the Father.” Some Klingon dude [Kurn] said, “You will address me as ‘sir.'” Thought of Jester telling everyone that you don’t salute Charlie.

Apr. 6, 2012
3:50am EST – Had some weird synth bass stuck in my head. Thought it was from TRON. Realized it was from Top Gun.


There you go. You’ll notice I only thought of Top Gun twice during Top Guns, but twelve times during Carrier. My hypothesis: the only thing that reminds you of the Navy in Top Guns is the attire. And it’s a porno. So they don’t wear it for very long. During flight scenes, the CGI is so fake, you don’t think about jets. You think about… credit report commercials. It’s that bad.

I’m getting very good at the mental blocking. I catch words and images that could trip me up and immediately shift my focus elsewhere. If I kept a list of incidents where I should have thought about Top Gun, it would easily be four times longer.

Of course, results are more than just thoughts. Changes in behavior are also relevant. Unfortunately, those will be difficult to monitor, and even harder to determine if they’re related to the movie. Around the time the project started, I also moved in with my girlfriend (for the second time), stopped doing improv shows (strictly a booking matter), and changed to a day shift at work (after working third shift and sleeping during the daytime for four years). I’m also writing more than I have in a long time, thanks to… well, this. In short, anything I’m doing differently could be caused by a variety of factors.

So, I might just start asking friends if I seem… different.

“You’re taller now.”