Guess what, Junior Movie Science Cadets?

You’re trying to force an incredibly stupid name for your fans?

I’ve watched Top Gun every week for 25% of the year. The end of the road seems… so far away.

Well, my brain must still be functioning just fine at this “symbolic” milestone. Let’s take a look.

Mar. 25, 2012
9:52am EST – Thought of “don’t tase me, bro.” Thought of “don’t tease me” in Top Gun.

Mar. 27, 2012
9:47pm EST – Talking with a co-worker about job opportunities. He mentioned he’d love a job where he could drive interesting places. Thought about Goose going to trucker school.

Truckmaster!Goose is out there, somewhere, eating a Slim Jim of freedom.

Mar. 28, 2012
10:41pm EST – Watching Star Trek: The Next Generation, “The Price.” Steve Carell guy [Devinoni Ral] mocks Riker for being second in command. Thought of “no points for second place.”

Mar. 29, 2012
11:44am EST -
“Mighty Wings” trying to get stuck in head before walking to the post office. iPod dead; brought synthesizer.

11:54am EST – Much as I tried to fight it, phrases from MW like “raging fire” and “second best” entered my mind as I was synthesizing my way to the post office.

L.06 sounds just like the instrumental version in the first hop.

Mar. 30, 2012
12:16pm EST – Reading Cracked article on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Mentioned the ’80s as when “rock’s hero’s [sic] got lost in cheese.” Thought of Cheap Trick’s descent into “Mighty Wings.”

4:22pm EST – MW stuck in head after getting off the phone with Nancy. Also very close to the end of my viewing.

5:48pm EST – Remembered the YouTube Poop “A DeLorean Made Out Of A DeLorean.” Thought of Stinger.

5:50pm EST – MW stuck in head.

8:14pm EST – Mavericks game on at a restaurant. Tried to remember if Maverick is from Dallas.

11:27pm EST – Watching Western Top GunJohn and Becca kept deliberately making jokes about a tower located in the town. I actually thought of Maverick on his motorcycle first, but then “buzzing the tower.”

Mar. 31, 2012
11:04am EST – MW stuck in head. Becca was watching TV while I was working on the laptop, but she turned it off when she left to take a shower, leaving me in dangerous silence.

7:08pm EST – Reading Fantastic Four #218, “When a Spider-Man Comes Calling!” The Trapster says to Electro, “Idiot! You coulda had him!” Thought of Sundown saying, “We coulda had him!” to Maverick.


You might wonder if I watch Star Trek: The Next Generation and read Fantastic Four comics all the damn time.

Yup. Mystery solved.

Both of those things remind me of Top Gun a lot. I mean, come on, Picard and Reed are giving orders all day. The Fantasticar is like a jet. The Enterprise-D is like an aircraft carrier in space. I really have to use all my mental strength to not make those connections week after week. I work so hard directing my mind away from the obvious that I get tripped up on little dumb things, like somebody saying “breathtaking.”

I continue to avoid Top Gun thoughts by trying to run from them. When I see something that will clearly be a problem, like aviator sunglasses, I rapidly think “sunglasses => CHiPs => Pringles” as quickly as possible, then I STAY. ON. PRINGLES.

If it’s an urgent enough confrontation, I do it out loud. Especially if a friend doesn’t realize that they’re triggering me. I am actually trying to drown out the eight times somebody says “speed.” While they’re conversing.

I imagine this is annoying.

Oh, hey, remember how I walked to the post office on March 29th back there? I was picking something up for a future review.