WHEN: 1:20pm EST, March 14th, 2012

WHERE: My apartment in Portland, ME (Isla Nublar)

FORMAT: Blu-Ray on a Vizio 32″ LED HDTV


PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: Sick (congestion, runny nose, slight headache), full of breakfast burritos and orange juice and pumpkin pie and meds, curled up on the futon being all miserable, bummed that I can’t partake in the drinking game fun that Ty and Nancy and John are planning this week because of work and this cold

FOCUS OF THIS WEEK’S STUDY: Watching Top Gun Alone and Sick Instead of Drunk and With Your Friends


  • I’m staring blankly into the menu before starting the movie. I kinda don’t want to do this.
  • I’ve got a sudden hankering to watch Transformers. Because of Starscream, probably.

“I miss you too, Bill!”

  • I read under IMDb goofs last week that the military only uses the term “bogey” until the aircraft is identified. Now it pisses me off every time they use it incorrectly.
  • I’m thinking of parallel universes now. What if Cougar and Merlin went to TOPGUN? What if Maverick landed his plane when ordered instead of going back to talk Cougar down? What if the MiG pilot got pissed at Maverick’s little inverted dive stunt? What if Goose didn’t have a mustache?!
  • Did they intentionally cast terrifying women in the bar scene?
  • I want to watch The 40-Year-Old Virgin now. Probably because Steve Carell is more charming than Tom Cruise.
  • I’m switching which side I rest on so the mucus will flow from nostril to nostril.
  • Tom Cruise’s jacket has “Tom” (“TOMCAT”) and “Cruise” (“FAR EAST CRUISE”) on it. Neat? Intentional? Who cares?
  • Charlie reads Wing magazine. Does this still exist? Can’t find it. But there is a Wings magazine. I am officially down to Top Gun trivia that even the Internet doesn’t care about.
  • “You fucker,” I proclaimed as Maverick left Hollywood during a hop. Even though I know it’s coming, I get mad.
  • I laughed at the guy with “IP” on his helmet, because I am incredibly immature.
  • One of the jets is 114. Kubrick reference? It MUST be.
  • The background freezes at Bill Badalato’s credit.

So, originally, I wanted to do a neat drinking game for Top Gun. Everybody thought St. Patrick’s Day would be great for it. Unfortunately, I have to work on the 17th this year, so I thought I could at least move the day. This made it impossible for anybody to watch with me, and you can’t do a drinking game by yourself (?), so I decided: “Ha, I’ll do a sad, lonely, and drunk viewing. Top Gun is supposed to be this bro-friendly party movie that the ladies love too. I’ll turn it on its head by being bitter and lonely.”

Then I caught a cold from work. So now it’s bitter, lonely, and sniffling. With no booze. How have I not done a drunk viewing yet?

Also, let’s face it… drunk on St. Patrick’s Day? That’s a little stereotypical, don’t you think? I’d rather take the high road than use a holiday to make a derogatory comment on an entire people.

¡Unless they’re Mexicans! ¡Cinco de Mayo! ¡Viva Top Gun: Pasión y gloria! ¡En español con subtítulos en Inglés! ¡Arriba!

Siento la necesidad… la necesidad de velocidad.

As you may have noticed from my guide to getting Top Gun out of your head, I am so officially mindfucked by this movie now. Which, coming at it like a fake scientist, is awesome. Really. I’m in love with this project. Even when I say “fuck this,” I have to tell my brain that daddy doesn’t really mean it.

So, on to the next phase of this experiment for me: diluting the content. The rules merely state that each subject must (1) watch his or her film (2) once every week (3) until January 1st, 2013. Nowhere does it say what else we can watch, so we have free reign over our destinies. Indeed, the more interesting part of this experiment is how we cope with watching our movies, whether we alter how we watch them or what we do when we’re not watching them.

Therefore, now that I’m good and loaded on Top Gun, it’s time to indulge in a desire that I had all the way back during my second viewing. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to watch a documentary about an aircraft carrier.

Wait, 10 hours? Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to watch the first disc of a documentary about an aircraft carrier.

[Carrier is currently on Netflix Watch Instantly. So join me if you’d like.]