WHEN: 12:15am EST, February 8th, 2012

WHERE: My apartment in Portland, ME (Isla Nublar)

FORMAT: Blu-Ray on a Vizio 32″ LED HDTV, English subtitles on


PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: Exhausted after work, sleepy from going to bed last night at 4am (working on an entry) and being woken up this morning at 6am (girlfriend) and 9am (mail carrier), eating delicious chicken cordon bleu casserole for dinner and drinking a cream soda

FOCUS OF THIS WEEK’S STUDY: The Effects of Watching Top Gun Before Bed on Dreams


  • I chuckled at the little dance the crewman does on the aircraft carrier.
  • I finished my dinner at 12:24am, then turned out the lights and snuggled up with pillows on the futon.
  • The camerawork when Cougar lands is total shit. It adds realism (compared to today’s CGI clusterfucks), but it annoyed me this time. It was probably their only chance to get the shot.
  • “They were abused children” and “We’re gonna have a good time” are two very creepy lines to be so close together. I always think Maverick is saying that he wants to abuse Iceman and Slider tonight.
  • John mentioned Tom Cruise having huge, creepy teeth the last time he watched this. I sort of agreed back then, but now, when I’m this close to bedtime, I’m terrified of them.
  • I had legitimate trouble keeping my eyes open at 12:48am.
  • If Top Gun got a sitcom spin-off, Air Boss Johnson would spill coffee on himself three times an episode and the audience would howl.
  • This is the first time I felt Jedi-like reflexes during a viewing; I could constantly sense each line before it was spoken. Did watching with subtitles last week trigger this? Or is the sleepiness causing my brain to try to fill in the gaps (like John experienced when he fell asleep to High Fidelity)?
  • I got blinky at 1:22am, right when Goose kisses the canopy, so I switched the side of the futon my head was on. I seriously began to think I would not make it to the end.
  • By 1:40am, I kept dropping into 10-second micro-naps that I would quickly snap out of, but I did not actually fall asleep. I chose to sit up from the graduation scene until the credits.
  • At 2:00am, even sitting up, AAAUGH. Hurry up and kiss Charlie and pop up Anthony Edwards’s credit.
  • I’ve now made a game out of calling it before the last shot suddenly freeze-frames during the credits, though I realize an easier way to win this game is to just remember whose name is at the top of the screen when it happens.

First of all, dinner was absolutely delicious. I’ve become a slow cooker fiend ever since my mom gave me her old one, and POSSLQ Becca and I slow cook it up just about every night. For the perfect dinner to pair with Top Gun, you’ll need the following:

  • 4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves
  • 1/2 lb. deli-sliced cooked ham
  • 1/2 lb. baby Swiss cheese, sliced
  • 10 & 3/4-oz. can cream of chicken soup
  • 1 box dry stuffing mix, prepared according to box directions

Step 1: Layer all ingredients in the order they are listed in your 4- to 5-qt. slow cooker.

Step 2: Cover and set to Low.

Step 3: Head over to your neighbor’s trailer and watch a NASCAR race, followed by Porky’s and Porky’s II: The Next Day.

Step 4: Bring your friend back to your place and open the lid! Chicken should be tender, but not dry.

Step 5: Crack open two cream sodas, link arms, have a sip, and start up Top Gun!

I prefer to then shred the chicken and stir it up with the stuffing, then use my fork to wrap the ham and cheese around the mixture, but go crazy! There are many ways to enjoy this delightful meal!

This viewing taught me that Top Gun is a pretty good movie to eat to. It reminded me of my childhood. We’d all gather around whatever was on NBC at dinnertime and shout at the fun things occurring on the screen! It was typically something starring Will Smith, but with the word “shit” taken out.

“No, you did not shoot that green shoot at me!”

It’s also a very nice film to watch when you’re sleepy after work. As exciting as all the aerial footage is, Top Gun has many boring moments that you can tune out as you begin to contemplate snoozing. Suddenly, smash cut back to planes bang-bang-banging and missile-locking, and if you’re just out of it enough, you sort of half-dream that YOU are the pilot. Now who’s switching to guns?

It’s me. I’m switching to guns.

Unfortunately, it’s true that there are a lot of very slow scenes between the canopy collision and the final battle. They’re “necessary” to the movie, but man, they’re like sleeping pills when you’re in your jammies and ready to end the day.

I did, in fact, see all of the movie, in case anybody out there is saying, “Hey, you fell asleep! If you count this, I will stab you! I’m the sort of person who stabs bloggers when I am upset with them!” Every time my head nodded, I actively forced myself awake, and I checked the scene list from my last viewing to make sure that I absolutely didn’t miss anything.

When the movie ended, I got up and went to bed. I lay there thinking of Top Gun quite a bit. I wondered if it would alter my dreams.

It did. But that’s a story for the Results section. See you there!