We are one month down in this experiment into insanity and I am finding it a little tougher than I thought I would. Four viewings and I am already starting to feel some effects. These feelings are not invading the rest of my life so far, but are content to just have me not enjoy watching a movie any more. I am starting to understand how Joel Robinson and Mike Nelson felt.
This was the first time I had ever watched The Truman Show all the way through. I had caught bits and pieces of it, but had yet to see it through. I remember that I fell asleep right at the end, and did my entry in the morning. I thought that the movie was going to be easy to watch 52 times. I thought I had the best movie out of the four of us to do this experiment with. I mean, at least I was not watching Spider Man 3.
The time in between my first watching and my second I remember feeling like I could not wait to get back to Seahaven. I was very gung-ho about the experiment as a whole and was looking forward to it. I could not wait to discover all of the deeper meanings and any/all subtext that the movie had to offer.
I put off and put off watching for this week because I was going to watch it with Bill and John. That was never in the cards and we both had things going on during the week. I went right out and did the next best thing. I watched the movie with my parents. I was not really feeling up to it and felt generally bummed out in the morning that day, but pulled out of it and was then excited to see this with my parents who had not seen Truman yet.
I was not at all excited to see The Truman Show this week. In fact, I was very much of the opinion that this movie could go fuck itself. I was feeling kinda burned out on the movie as a whole and did not really pay attention to the movie as much as I could have. I was just kind of done.
Overall Mental State
January and February are going to be hard on me in a general sense. It was around a year ago that a relationship that I was very passionate about started falling and eventually fell apart. We were together for over a year and I was, and still kind of am, very much in love with her. It being a year later, I am just reminded more of how things ended. It was not really anyone’s fault; we had a long distance relationship, and when you sink a lot of your energy into something like that and have it not work out, it takes a lot out of you. She was finding it hard to keep going and we were both smart enough to realize that closing the distance between us or moving in with each other was absolutely the dumbest way to try and fix anything. If it does not work out you are just kind of stuck with someone you might not like anymore and that is just hell. So it ended. I have not talked to her since, and did the whole “un-friend” thing because I needed to just not be reminded of her on a constant basis. It was nothing against her, but I still think about her just about everyday and I do not need any more reminders of her. I have not told her any of this, so I must look like a gigantic jerk, and call it whatever you will… stubbornness, pride, whatever, but I have not and will not get in touch with her. I do not think I will, that would just make me want her back. Maybe I should have gotten High Fidelity as my movie. It would either have made all of this worse, or it would have helped me sort all of this stuff out, finally.
All of that has very little to do with my movie, but might shed some light on what I write about. This especially goes for the posts surrounding the dreaded Valentine’s Day. I think that part of this experiment is being flat out honest about all of my feelings, thoughts, fears, hopes and the rest of that jazz.
I do not think that the movie is having any sort of control over my consciousnesses. I have not really shaved since we started the experiment, but I do not think that is due to the movie, more just me growing a depression beard. I am not really depressed, but just kind of down, due to the month and all. I have noticed, though, that I am picking up on some product placement in other movies or shows I have been watching. I had noticed the parts in The Truman Show where it was obvious before they flat out said it the first time I watched it.
As far as me watching other movies, I do not think that being locked into a weekly viewing has altered my usual habits subconsciously. I actively tried to tone down my movie watching at the start of January to let Truman sink into my brain a bit better. I also have not watched High Fidelity, even though it is one of my favorite movies, since the start of this. I have not had a viewing with John yet. I have watched Top Gun with Bill, but I do not own it, nor have I had any sort of craving to see it.
I will say that I have traveled since seeing the movie. Not really out of want; I was traveling with my sister part of the way back to her college, but I was not dissuaded from doing so either.
Watching a movie about a man trying to escape his town (his hometown, more importantly), has not given me any sort of wanderlust. I do not live in my hometown though, and that might be part of it.
Anyway, it is late, and I have vomited enough words for now. I either have my next viewing to get to or bed. I think bed might win and the viewing will be put off till the morning.