WHERE: In the living room of my apartment in Portland, ME (Isla Nublar)

FORMAT: Blu-Ray on a Vizio 32″ LED HDTV

COMPANY: Connor McGrath, local comedian, actor, and wrestling enthusiast

PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: Hoping the company can help rekindle my spark with Back to the Future.

Do you guys remember Connor? He watched all the Iron Eagle movies with me last year. In one sitting. I don’t know why he still talks to me after that ordeal, but here are his BTTF credentials.

Name: Connor McGrath

Age: 24

Notable viewing companionship qualities: I have a blog. He has a blog. Blossover! Connor is the brains behind RasslinMania, where he’s reviewing every WrestleMania since the beginning of time. It’s like our Time Out feature, but for not time travel movies!

Introduction to Back to the Future: Saw the first movie around age 8, on TNT or TBS Superstation.

Last Back to the Future viewing before today: From start to finish, about ten years ago.

Most recent fandom nerd-out: Watched the “Johnny B. Goode” scene on VH1 Classic. Apparently it’s on there a lot.

Signature taunt: The modified flex ‘n’ thump (post-1998).

THINGS CONNOR SAID WHILE WE WATCHED (SOME INVOLVING WRESTLING):

  • “[A friend] met Hulk Hogan at a T.G.I. Friday’s in St. Louis and asked him about Suburban Commando. He said Christopher Lloyd just stayed in his trailer smoking weed the whole time.”
  • “Did you hear about the supposedly terrible stage production of A Christmas Carol that Christopher Lloyd was in?” I hadn’t, but wow, read this review of the first night. Ouch.
  • “Why’s he sending his dog back in time? WHAT A DICK!”
  • “Oh, never mind. I guess I’m okay with dressing dogs in funny costumes. I’m a hypocrite. Maybe I’m a dick.”

Einstein judges you.

  • “Where is Hill Valley? California?” While the town of Hill Valley is fictional, it’s in Hill County, California, which is located… hmm. Is that fake too? Apparently. I learned something today.
  • “Is that Jason Hervey from The Wonder Years? He was a creative consultant on Impact Wrestling.” Yes, it’s Jason Hervey. Connor later sent me this clip of Milton Baines all growed up and entering the ring.

  • On Sam Baines asking who the hell John F. Kennedy is: “JFK would have been famous enough in ’55. He was a senator in 1953 and a war hero and his book Profiles in Courage would have been out by then. (pause) I was JFK for Famous Person Day in elementary school.” You’re one smart fella, Mr. McGrath. Shows what I know. However, the date in the scene in question is November 5th, 1955, and Profiles in Courage (according to Wikipedia) was published less than two months later on January 1st, 1956. The real issue, though, is how adorable you must have been walking around the cafeteria demanding that we land on the moon.

“Change is the law of lunch.”

HEY, YOU! GET YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF HER!

NO! OH, PLEASE, GOD! NO!

THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING! YOU CAN’T BE HERE!
IT DOESN’T MAKE SENSE FOR YOU TO BE HERE!
I REFUSE TO EVEN BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE HERE!

You win this round, Maverick. You weren’t content ruining 2012 for me, were you? No, you had to ruin my life.

“Payback’s a bitch, bitch.”

The tarnishing of a boyhood crush aside, this was one of my most enjoyable viewings so far, and here’s why: Connor laughed at everything. Most of my friends have seen this movie by association with me and know a good number of the lines. Connor hasn’t watched the whole thing in a decade. “What are you looking at, butthead?” Connor howled. You could get that line on T-shirts when I was in high school, and Connor exploded with joy like he’d never heard it before.

Connor: “Great delivery! He says it with such aplomb!”

This makes me sad for Cinemanaut Ty, who’s watching Ghostbusters 52 times this year. He’s easily got the funniest movie, but it must be like having a screenplay steamrolled through your mind instead of natural, spontaneous scenes, full of humor and energy. Having Connor around reminds me that Back to the Future is still packed with comedy.

Connor: “I only laugh at people being called idiots or buttheads. What does that say about me?”

It says that you’re alive, Connor. You’re alive.

Until you died laughing at this Goldie Wilson face, that is.