WHEN: 12:19pm EST, December 25th, 2012

WHERE: In the living room of my apartment in Portland, ME (Isla Nublar)

FORMAT: Blu-Ray on a Vizio 32″ LED HDTV

COMPANY: Becca. Aww.


Ecstatic. Relieved. I have cocoa. Merry fucking Christmas.

Actually, I have this odd sort of jitters. Maybe I’m scared of the impending withdrawals. Anyway, Becca and I both noticed my loopiness, so I asked her to pay particular attention to me during this, the final viewing.

Thanks, Becca.

I hope you enjoy the hell out of The NeverEnding Story next year.


  • I’m applauding the opening credits. Unironically. While I’m surprised by this reaction, I guess it really has been a privilege flying with everyone. I’m thrilled we can all go home.
  • I realize I’m going to miss Meg Ryan next year, but I get Lea Thompson now.

You never really get over your first crush.

  • Wow, this cocoa Becca made is, like, bullshit fancy cocoa with chili powder and shit in it. I’d be on board if I weren’t expecting sweet, delicious cocoa on this stereotypically snowy curled-up-with-a-movie sort of day. It killed my final viewing vibe and turned me into Senator Grumpypants again.
  • Becca asks if I will hide my Top Gun Blu-Ray, DVD, VHS, hat, etc. once this is over. No idea. Probably.
  • The Christmas jingles are really wearing off now that I’m getting back into the swing of this damn movie.
  • I angrily yelled, “Fuck that line!” when Stinger talks about Maverick’s ego writing checks his body can’t cash. Becca’s retort: “Enjoy ‘Slacker!’ next year.”
  • I’m now shouting, “Never again!” after all the “iconic” lines and scenes. Which, at this point, I just assume they all are.
  • “See ya later, Butterface!”

I only fell for your cunning ruse the first time, Butterface.

  • I am really flipping out this viewing. Someone should be filming this. I slid my camera over to Becca in case she thought it necessary. She didn’t.
  • “You only need one finger to play ‘Mighty Wings’ on a keyboard. Just press the demo button.” – A joke I should have thought of long ago.
  • I’ve upgraded from “Never again!” to “Fuck you!”
  • I don’t even want to take notes any more. Go to Hell, movie.
  • We’ve all been comparing our movies to relationships lately. Today feels like a really satisfying break-up. Like, one where you don’t sugarcoat a damn thing and just let the whole truth out. Thankfully, a movie doesn’t have feelings.
  • Becca on Meg Ryan: “She’s all California-looking.” As far as bizarre co-viewer comments go, Becca got that one in just in time.
  • We spontaneously sang the weird courtroom synthesizer riff together, which Becca finished with, “Ugh, I hate this movie.”
  • After 52 goddamn weeks, I still enjoy the awesome jet-mounted camera shots.
  • Hey, the jet at the end sort of looks like it has a bow on it. Merry Christmas to all!

And to all a good flight!

Just for posterity, I had Becca film me at the exact moment Top Gun ended. Here I am, being released from my prison. Gaze into the face of true joy.

See you next year, everyone.