I wanted to open this with an Iron Eagle quote, but again, I got nothing.

It’s like they were trying to make those movies forgettable.

But hey, we’re not dealing with the likes of Jason Gedrick today. This here is a time for Maverick. How has freebasing Top Gun once a week manipulated the wrinkles of my head computer? For starters, I’m running out of forced ways to say “affected my thoughts.”

I’ll think of next year’s couch gag later, let’s hit the notebook! Here’s Week 45.

Nov. 5, 2012
11:55am EST – Reading Uncanny X-Men #134, “Too Late, the Heroes!” Caption reads “There is no mercy in her eyes.” Heard the chorus of “Heaven in Your Eyes.”

Most comic book fans listen to Loverboy as they read.

Nov. 6, 2012
4:03am EST – A co-worker said, “I’m lookin’ for a video.” Heard Goose say, “I’m lookin’, I’m lookin’!”

9:58am EST – Texted a lady I have a date with about how dumb emoticons are… for the 40th time. Thought of how Mav and Charlie can’t shut the fuck up about showers while they’re flirting. Felt gross. Dating sucks.

12:56pm EST – Loaded a song by Touch and Go in my djay app. Heard Kenny Loggins singing “touch and go” from “Danger Zone.”

Nov. 7, 2012
2:16am EST – Talking with girlfriend about the importance of communication. Pictured Goose flipping the bird. Not because I wanted to flip her the bird, Goose and Mav just call giving the finger “communicating.”

“Yeah, I got yer emotional awareness right here, toots.”

Nov. 8, 2012
5:50am EST – Legitimate science results. Listening to the Secret Stash podcast, “Issue #2.” They had a conversation about who would have made a good Batman in the ’80s. Tom Cruise was mentioned. Then Top Gun. Then they ran through the entire cast as BatmanEVEN RICK ROSSOVICH. Pictured scenes involving each cast member. Felt queasy. Out of breath. They would NOT stop talking about Top Gun, dammit. Skipped ahead in 30-second chunks to get away from it. Most people mention Top Gun and move on; not Kevin Smith and his nerd crew. I would have loved this segment if it weren’t for this experiment.

10:30pm… ish EST – Watching Wreck-It Ralph. Did not find Ralph’s character likable. Wondered if it was so he’d learn a lesson at the end, or if they just failed at writing a likable character. Couldn’t stop comparing him to Maverick, who suffers from both likability and predictability.

Rent-It Ralph.

Nov. 9, 2012
8:32am EST – Bought a drink from a machine by pressing “A4.” Very nearly said “MiG simulator” out loud. (They fly against A-4s during training in the movie.)

–END OF NOTES–

Ladies and gentlemen… I’ve discovered a new emotion.

No, really. I’m having an open call for somebody to name it. If you usually skip the actual notes and go straight down here to the summary, well, first of all, I still like you more than people who don’t read them at all, but second, I’d like you to go back up and read the Kevin Smith one from November 8th. And now, the emotion I was feeling…

“An instant, positive sense of inclusion that suddenly does not make one proud.”

Seriously, talking movies? Love it with every fiber of my being. Unfortunately, watching Top Gun every week for a year is giving me knowledge of the film that I never wanted. It’s impossible to talk about it with people because I’ve seen too much.

So, when I’m casually listening to mah pawdcasts expecting nerdly types to wig out about Zatanna and She-Hulk, and somebody not only mentions Top Gun but knows the name of the actor who played Slider, I begin to rejoice, catch it mid-stream, and then instantly feel dejected.

Really, in what other scenario would you know so much about something you don’t care about? There must be other ways to create this feeling than subjecting yourself to the same movie every week because you think maybe somebody will want to read about it.

Ignore this face, I love this blog.

Scenarios that might replicate the same feeling that I felt:

A) You hear a group of people talking about the Backstreet Boys. You perk up because, finally, somebody who knows the Backstreet Boys like you do! But wait, you’re not proud of that. You only know about them because your sister would not shut up about them when you were growing up. (Hi, sis!)

B) You’re on vacation and strike up a conversation with a stranger. After exchanging some increasingly complicated technical jargon, you find out you have the same profession! Hooray! Hold on, you hate your job. Both of you.

C) Extreme example: You’re on a date with someone who reveals that their uncle sexually abused them. You smile because yours did too! What a connection! But wait, no, that’s absolutely awful. Don’t smile. (I will not be saying hello to any of my wonderful uncles. In this context, anyway.)

Okay, start devising words for this feeling in the comments section. Bonus points for mixing Greek and Latin roots! And portmanteaus will be disqualified. Sorry, portmanbros.