WHEN: 10:35am EST, June 27th, 2012

WHERE: My apartment in Portland, ME (Isla Nublar)

FORMAT: Blu-Ray on a Vizio 32″ LED HDTV

COMPANY: Longtime unseen college pal Amanda, soon-to-be-famous creator of the blog we never knew we needed, Maul Around the World.

She hasn’t seen Top Gun before, so you know the drill.

WHAT AMANDA KNEW ABOUT TOP GUN BEFORE WATCHING IT:

Aww, damn it. Apparently “Record” and “Don’t Record” are the same button. Goddamn foreigners and their home video machines.

Well, Amanda thought Top Gun was a mid-nineties black-and-white movie directed by Paz Vega about a dragon who befriends a slave woman in Antebellum South Carolina.

PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: Feelin’ good, eating French toast and drinking milk, a bit sweaty because it’s warm out, hooray company.

REACTIONS OF NOTE OF THE BOTH OF US:

  • Amanda loves Hot Shots! She hasn’t seen Top Gun. She wonders how this will enhance her enjoyment of the Topper Harley saga.
  • “Meg Ryan’s in this?!”
  • One of the radar guys on the aircraft carrier looks like Eminem.

Am I right?

  • Where exactly are the missile lock graphics being projected? The canopy? In the… helmet? Are they just for the benefit of the audience?
  • “What?” – Amanda on the inverted dive.
  • Amanda thought Maverick was gonna inverted dive Cougar, too. To cheer him up? Or just for funsies.
  • I’m very glad Amanda is laughing at the stupid things in the movie instead of the lame things that were intended to be funny.
  • She mentioned the sweat. Everybody does. Wait, did my mom?
  • “That guy!” – Amanda upon seeing Michael Ironside.
  • “Oh, just make out already! I’m sorry, nobody looks tough flipping a pen.”
  • “They mention their dicks a little too much for this to be straight.”
  • Amanda suddenly remembered that Rick Rossovich is in a Steve Martin movie. She couldn’t come up with the name of it. She thinks it’s Roxanne. I’m pretty sure she’s right, but I’ll check later.

“I was in The Terminator. Please talk about that.”

  • I appreciate Charlie faking being impressed by Maverick. Even more so when Amanda doesn’t know she’s faking yet.
  • Amanda is absolutely repulsed by the idea of Maverick going into the ladies room.
  • “How is he charming?” – Amanda on Tom Cruise.
  • Buzzing the tower is dumb. Amanda can’t even see why it’s fun. I feel dumb trying to explain it.
  • Amanda has no idea what Air Boss Johnson shouts as he walks away from Viper’s office. Her guesses were “I want some buds!” and “I want some bullets!”
  • Charlie’s parrot suddenly stirs up emotions in Amanda. She feels sorry for it because there are no toys in its cage. “What a bitch. Now I don’t like Charlie.”
  • This is the first time I’ve noticed the cricket noises during Charlie and Maverick’s date. It’s nice. Something to pay attention to.

“Are you two gonna talk about classified shit all day or are you gonna BONE?”

  • “She’s going for a mustache ride later.” – Amanda on Carole and Goose’s coupleness.
  • The TACTS trailer scene suddenly made me want to watch Battlestar Galactica. “From now on, your name is Hot Dog, and when God speaks, Hot Dog, you listen.”
  • Amanda loves how “Take My Breath Away” starts playing when a dude starts talking to Mav, not Charlie.
  • “Only my motorcycle understands me!” – Amanda on Maverick’s angst.
  • Mav definitely gives Charlie a “this is my first time” face before they bone.
  • Amanda declares this the most boring sex scene ever. “Thanks for the sex. Here’s a flower.”
  • Noticed for the first time thanks to Amanda: Goose’s son is surrounded by beer bottles. Kid must be wasted.

Somebody get his plastic keys.

  • Goose gets the raw deal. Not a single bad thing that happens to him in this movie is his fault.
  • Is Viper mentioning that he lost ten men to Maverick’s one supposed to be comforting… or bragging?
  • Why does Maverick think he has the right to take Goose’s stuff? Maybe the person he had a child with wants it?
  • Stinger saying “GODDAMMIT” reminds Amanda of the coach from Not Another Teen Movie. I might have to watch that again.
  • The MiG pilots are really chill about everything. No big deal, just a dogfight.


WHAT AMANDA THOUGHT ABOUT TOP GUN AFTER WATCHING IT:

Gotcha this time, record button.

SPECIAL FEATURES:
After the movie, we watched the music video for “Top Gun Anthem.” I promise I’ll get around to something else on the Blu-Ray, like “Best Of The Best: Inside The Real Top Gun.”

Tell me you don’t want to watch this right now.

THOUGHTS:
I’m surprised I can even have thoughts any more.

It really helps to watch Top Gun with a) someone hilarious b) and cynical c) who hasn’t seen it before. I think these are my major criteria for a perfect viewing buddy.

Sith are funnier than you might think.

Unfortunately, a friend can only see Top Gun for the first time once. Luckily, I have lots of friends. I must say, my new joy in this experiment is seeing the reactions of people to scenes involving hard-ons, group singalongs, volleyball, coffee, showers, etc. Fellow Cinemanaut Ty elaborated on his motivations for this project; while I feel the “why” isn’t as important as the “what comes out the other side,” I think I’m enjoying unleashing this film on the world, one couchmate at a time.

Join me?