Tom Cruise died. I’m not sure how, but it wasn’t anything that mangled his beautiful face. Probably poison. Anyway, I was his mortician. Some guys in suits (Scientologists?) requested that I make him look exactly like Maverick for the funeral. Also, the body would be going on tour, so everyone could see my work. So I fixed him up to look just like Maverick, and I made a nice Top Gun-themed arrangement to go around the casket, but I noticed that the poster I used (featuring Tom Cruise flashing the “iconic” thumbs-up) was misspelled as “MAVERIC.” I blamed this on an intern, though I never saw any intern in the dream. Suddenly, Jay Leno came up behind me, slapped me on the back, and said, “Hey, poster looks good. You’re on in thirty.” Because of course Jay Leno can’t spell “Maverick.” Or he was making a joke. It’s hard to tell when Jay Leno is being funny, but I always assume he isn’t. I started to panic about my typo being live to the world (or at least the people who watch The Tonight Show), but then I woke up.
Some Theories on Why I Had This Dream:
- Random neurons firing. My go-to dream explanation.
- I just watched Hot Shots! and maybe my brain was telling me that Top Gun really is that bad and it’s time to lay it to rest. (Fuck you, brain, seven more months.)
- I am stressed over whether or not Nancy actually got in her viewing from last week after texting me that she may not be able to. After spending a weekend worrying about having to throw all that data out and discontinuing the Spider-Man 3 branch of the experiment, I may be afraid that I’ll be the next to fall.
- I want Tom Cruise to die? I don’t think so. I don’t hate the guy. I mean, maybe for advising people with mental issues not to take medication. But otherwise, I wouldn’t poison him.
- I want to be famous for what I now know about Top Gun? I mean, they came to me. It was a “you’re the best” scenario. Would I really exploit a death just for some fame in regards to a movie I don’t even particularly like?
- The Sims. John just got a new computer and we’ve been making Sims out of all of our characters. I spent a great amount of time making sure a little digital character looked and dressed like Maverick.
Shit. That’s probably the reason.
Okay, I have a lot to type.