WHEN: 8:44am EST, April 1st, 2012

WHERE: At John’s apartment in Portland, ME (Alderaan)

FORMAT: DVD on a Vizio 47″ LCD HDTV

COMPANY: Fellow Cinemanauts John and Nancy, girlfriend Becca, and pals Elliot and Dani

PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: I feel terrible, obviously. This is the worst thing EVER. Even my friends can’t help, JEEZ.

FOCUS OF THIS WEEK’S STUDY: How Much Top Gun Totally Blows


  • Ugh, that damn shot of the horse riding into town. Screw you, Ray Nazarro.
  • Yeah, Wyoming is a GREAT setting for action.
  • I’m so sick of the melodramatic graveyard scene.
  • What kind of name is Bat? So dumb.
  • “I came back to a memory. This isn’t it.” I can’t take all this lame dialogue.
  • They really piled on the gay subtext.
  • It’s more upsetting when a white guy commits a crime? So racist. Top Gun is RACIST.
  • Man, did they need to be SO macho during the bill of sale argument? Come on.
  • I will never get used to Rod Taylor’s “American” accent.

But he’s still the best part of Top Gun.

  • Ugh, thinking God’s on your side? IDIOTS. This is such a conservative movie.
  • Was it that easy to frame people for murder back then? I just don’t buy it. I don’t know. I wasn’t alive when this movie was set. Or made. Heck, my Dad wasn’t either.
  • Why would you bet on something that would affect so many lives? Don’t take that gamble, MORONS. *fart noises*
  • *Groan.* Too much talk, not enough action.
  • “By gravy!” Such a dated phrase now.
  • Rick Martin is too sure of himself. How can you relate to this fucking guy? *eyeroll, guffaw, eyeroll the other way*
  • The chick is not very pretty. Is she supposed to be? VOMIT.
  • “Drop your belts.” Can’t see any double entendres THERE. (Movies are so dumb. Blaaaaarrrgh. I hate everything. Poop.)
  • Tom Quentin is such an over-the-top villain. *complain*
  • It’s like they were trying for a strong female character, but we’re still supposed to be impressed BECAUSE a woman could be so smart.
  • I’m going to drink because I’m fun!

This movie suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. I wish Tim Robbins was in it.

Bill actually watched…

A 1955 Western also called Top Gun