Okay, this one needs a little back story, plus I wanted to see what the color “dark azure” looks like on the site.

I used to work a morning shift at 3am, and this schedule severely cuts into any sort of enjoyable evenings. So, my fellow third-shift workers and I started meeting up around noon every week for Movie Day. However, three months ago, work went topsy-turvy and my shift changed to more… human hours. Movie Day was no more for me, and I rarely got to see my morning pals again after that.

Now, here’s where it gets difficult; one of these co-workers, Sarah, is leaving to open up a board shop, so a special Movie Day was planned and I was going to attend. Unfortunately, it fell on a day I was scheduled to work a double; this meant watching a movie after being awake for 26 hours. But send-off! But sleep! What to do? Then co-worker Katie posted this on Facebook: “Are we watching Top Gun?”

Oh shit.

In order to preserve the feeling of sheer exhaustion, all notes have been presented exactly as they were written.

WHEN: 2:21pm EST, March 7th, 2012 [see Reactions section for pauses]

WHERE: Co-worker Katie’s apartment in Portland, ME

FORMAT: DVD in a Playstation 2 on a Panasonic CT-20G6E 20″ CRT TV

COMPANY: Sarah, who last saw Top Gun a long time ago; Joe, who last saw Top Gun 4 years ago and was nicknamed Maverick; Kaitlyn, who last saw Top Gun “a million years ago” (assumed hyperbole, but tests should be conducted); Katie, who has never seen Top Gun; and Katie’s cats Sam and Stella, who have also never seen Top Gun

PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: Full, just got free lunch from Sarah at Elevation Burger, fucking sleepy from working a double, happy to see old work friends

WHAT KATIE KNEW ABOUT TOP GUN BEFORE WATCHING IT:
“Tom Cruise is in it, and there’s an iconic song. Barney Stinson uses it to enter a room.”

FOCUS OF THIS WEEK’S STUDY: The Effects of No Sleep and Co-Workers and Cats and Whatever on Top Gun

REACTIONS OF WHAT THE FUCK:

  • Most of them are just talking about work. Consistently.
  • I am among those for whom a movie is furniture. It is odd, but a necessary experience.
  • Joe put some shades down to enhance the film. He strikes me as the one most paying attention.
  • 2:32pm – PAUSE and cat petting. Catch up plot pause. Excitedly, Sarah notes.
  • Okay, now we’re just talking about horse shit. I have a job to do. But THE DATA! This is important. THIS IS AN IMPORTANT VIEWING. Giving up control of the remote is… maddening. It’s like stopping a piss mid-stream. IT IS RESTRICTING NATURE. This is so interesting.
  • Holy FUCK. I’m GLAD I don’t work with these people any more. It’s 2:42pm and we’re just chucklin’ ’bout work. “We” does not include Bill.
  • I’m actively not mentioning starting the movie again. I want to see how long this goes.
  • Okay, Joe told a pretty good work story. I will admit it. But my Top Gun blue balls are ready to pop.
  • 2:49! Holy fuck. Seventeen minutes until we played again. I said nothing.
  • Everyone is deathly silent when Cougar turns in his wings.
  • Sarah made a comment on Stinger’s sweat. Everybody mentions the sweat.
  • Joe mentioned Michael Ironside’s work in Starship Troopers.

  • Sarah wonders if Iceman’s pubes are also frosted.
  • 2:58pm – Skip scene back to clown face lady. So back about… 30 seconds? I dunno. They’re rewinding. I’ve never logged this.
  • Joe appreciated Val Kilmer on Entourage, Season 1, Episode 7. WRONG! Ep. 5.
  • Sarah thinks a distinguished johnson wears an ascot.
  • I’m smiling during “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’.”
  • Joe lost a $1 bet to himself that I would sing or hum at least part of YLTLF. I felt like I should get the dollar. I still find bets exciting.
  • Kelly McGillis’s lipstick pops out terrifyingly so on this television. Nobody can stop staring at her lips.
  • Sarah and Katie think Maverick’s a prick. Especially when he’s telling Charlie her data on the MiG is inaccurate.

This guy? A prick? Naw.

  • Sarah wonders if Tom Cruise had to wear heightening shoes.
  • 3:08pm – Pause to read an office email, OMG!!1
  • I learned the difference between a turtle and a tortoise while Top Gun was paused.
  • I legitimately think I am going to miss improv rehearsal. At 7. Starting Top Gun at 2:21 and not being done by 7.
  • 3:23pm – Sarah left because she has a cat allergy.
  • 3:26pm – Movie started again. No sound for some reason. Now trying to fix audio. Got working at 3:27pm.
  • Katie notes the line “coming hard.”
  • There’s a lot of manually looking behind you in a jet. No mirrors.
  • Sam the kitty joined me for cuddles during the turn and burn.
  • Everybody wonders if the sweat was sprayed on to show that it’s hot or if it was just accidentally really hot on all the sets. Either way, incompetent director?
  • Petting a cat during this is really nice.
  • I snickered at: “If the government trusts me, maybe you could.”
  • The lesbian did not appreciate the sweaty volleyball scene. Joe understands that it comes with the territory of watching Top Gun.
  • Joe also commented on the impracticality of wearing jeans during volleyball.
  • Joe: “Can my brother watch Jeopardy! while we have sex?” I solidly appreciated this joke.
  • Maverick is talking about his daddy dying. Everybody here is talking about work.
  • Joe: “Do the aviator sunglasses get bigger as this movie goes on?”
  • Kaitlyn is amazed when the lyrics finally come in during “Take My Breath Away.”
  • Joe notes an audio mistake; Charlie’s tires squeal before she hits the brakes in the passionate car chase.
  • Everybody discussed the “take me to bed or lose me forever ” line as a pick-up line. Maybe?
  • Joe thinks the people in the restaurant should be pissed about the piano-playing.
  • Katie points out that nobody knows the words to “Danger Zone.” Joe and I mumble through it.
  • Katie asked about the green water. Joe explained dye packs.
  • 4:08pm- Audio cut out again. Not sure why. I caught everyone up on what Viper told Maverick: “Fuck your friend. Get in your plane.” Audio fixed a minute later.
  • 4:11pm – Kaitlyn and Joe watch a YouTube video on her phone during the flight status scene. I…
  • I want Sundown’s helmet.

  • We passed around a picture of Jessica Simpson naked and pregnant. How many of my notes are on Top Gun this week?
  • 4:17pm – Kaitlyn and Joe watch another YouTube video during Mav’s sad time at the bar. It sounds like it involves a baby running.
  • Katie thought Charlie called Mav “Pete Midgler.”
  • 4:23pm – Audio cut out. I noticed it happened when I bumped my arm on the sofa. FOR SCIENCE, I punched the couch and totally Fonzied the TV into submission. I rule.
  • I am fucking zonked. I have been awake for about 29 hours now, minus a couple of short, shitty naps. I am done with notes. This has been an experience.
  • 4:33pm – Another audio cut-out and stomp-fest. Whatever. I want sleep. Fucking get those MiGs. I wanna go home.
  • I’m bitching about work now. What year is it? Love is an illusion. Do I have enough quarters for the fucking bus?
  • Joe: “They got the guitarist from Pink Floyd to do this [the Top Gun score].”
    Me: “Really?”
    Joe: “No idea.”
  • Final couch punch for a wingman audio drop-out. And now I’m ready to drop out.
  • Kaitlyn shared that she met Anthony Edwards at an auto show. I’m sleepy enough to believe anything. I think I might be Whip Hubley.
  • “Dedicated to the memory of art school?” – Katie misreading “Art Scholl” at the end.

FARTS:
What does death taste like?