WHEN: 6:00pm EST, February 2nd, 2012

WHERE: My apartment in Portland, ME (Isla Nublar)

FORMAT: Blu-Ray on a Vizio 32″ LED HDTV, English subtitles on

COMPANY: Cinemanaut Ty for the entirety and Girlfriendanaut Becca from 6:43pm EST onward

PHYSICAL AND MENTAL STATE: Full of tortellini, pumped for 80’s Night at the club (seems more fitting than for Goth Night),  curious as to how well I remembered the movie in my summary video, wondering what subtitles will add to my viewing

FOCUS OF THIS WEEK’S STUDY: The Effects of Subtitles on Recall of Top Gun

REACTIONS OF NOTE:

  • Ty thinks the raising flaps and fluctuating jet engines in the opening add to the homoeroticism.
  • Goose’s laugh is starting to annoy me.
  • I forgot there were two MiGs in the beginning, not just one.
  • Who is Ghost Rider? What is Ghost Rider? I do not remember Ghost Rider. I guess it’s the plane’s name.
  • Subtitle Achievement Unlocked. Cougar says, “I’ve never even seen him,” in reference to his son. I thought he was saying, “I’ve never even seen them,” meaning he hadn’t seen his wife and son since, I assumed, he joined the Navy.
  • The line about taxpayers owning the plane does not happen during the combat scene. It happens later, in Stinger’s office. I recalled that incorrectly.
  • Miramar! Fightertown is in Miramar, CA. I could not remember the location in my summary.
  • I failed to remember when Viper talks about pilots becoming too reliant on missiles. This is the whole purpose of TOPGUN. Now I get why the “switching to guns” line comes up so often. And as much as I appreciated Cinemanaut John mocking the opening text, I now understand the phrase “the lost art of aerial combat,” goofy as it sounds.
  • Subtitle Fail. They don’t capitalize “TOPGUN” in the subtitles; they just spell it like the title of the film. Way to piss on the American flag.
  • Subtitle Fail. There are no apostrophes in “lovin’ feelin'” in the subtitles; they just spell it “loving feeling.” Way to piss on The Righteous Brothers.

However, if they’re into that, I certainly won’t judge.

  • I forgot just about all of the dialogue from Mav and Charlie’s first meeting. Probably because it sucks. I do like the line about Maverick’s mother naming him “Maverick” because she hated him. Probably because I like the thought of Tom Cruise’s mother hating him.

“Eye contact is forbidden, Thomas.”

  • “Your friend was magnificent.” I thought he was incredible.
  • “Let’s turn and burn!” Ty added: “Try spinning! That’s a good trick!” I will now think of The Phantom Menace whenever I watch Top Gun, and for this, Ty must be punished.
  • Know Your 80’s Movies. Maverick’s dad disappeared on November 5th, 1965, exactly ten years after Dr. Emmett L. Brown invented the flux capacitor.
  • Viper has a weird goblin skull on his helmet. Not Jester. I was wrong.
  • Subtitle Achievement Unlocked. Buttnose? Great insult. I never noticed anybody saying “buttnose” before.
  • Ty: “Meg Ryan is a little ball of fuck.”
  • Immediately after Goose cracked his head on the canopy, Ty remarked, “Well, Meg Ryan’s single!” You dog, you.
  • Of course Iceman won. The moral of the story is to follow the rules and win.
  • Subtitle Achievement Unlocked. I have now learned that Goose’s official title is “RIO,” which stands for “Radar Intercept Officer.” I’d been calling him a co-pilot, but Ty informed me that this title is wholly inaccurate, as the F-14A Tomcat only has one stick. (Ty had a job refueling airplanes, so he’s my go-to aviation guy at the moment.)
  • This is the first time I noticed the helmet with an ass on it. Specifically, an ass with a lipstick print on it.
  • I completely forgot that they send up Maverick after Hollywood goes down.
  • I also forgot that they don’t blow up all the MiGs. Two of them retreat.
  • Have I even seen this movie?! I also forgot that both Maverick and Iceman buzz the tower at the end. Because camaraderie.
  • When it comes to sneaking up on people, Charlie can sneak with the best of them. Where the hell was she hiding in the bar? She should be a serial killer.

Behind you! Turn around! Oh no!

SPECIAL FEATURES:
Following the movie, I showed Ty the music video for “Top Gun Anthem.” After that, I looked at the “TV Spots” menu. These were the titles:

PATRIOTISM
STORY
MALE ACTION
ROMANCE
CRUISE / ACTION
CRUISE / MOODY
MUSIC

Ty said, “I will put money down that the ‘Male Action’ TV spot guaran-fucking-teed has the volleyball scene in it!”

THE STAKES: Loser has to be photographed shirtless in aviator sunglasses. This photo will be posted on Cinema 52.

THE RESULTS:

After Ty’s defeat, we watched all of the spots. “Romance” heavily implied that Charlie fucks twenty men every eight weeks. Also, one spot actually had the volleyball scene: “Music.” Yes. Out of all those spots. Because “Playing With the Boys” is clearly the greatest music ever composed.

THOUGHTS:
In terms of memory, I can remember the movie pretty well until after the first TOPGUN training sequence. After that, I drop scenes entirely or remember them completely out of order. Here is the correct order of events in the film, compared with the order I remembered them in the memory test video. (They are numbered as I recalled them, not necessarily in the order I believed them to occur in the film, ie. sometimes I mention a scene but know that it logically must have occurred earlier.) Scenes recalled in the wrong order are in italics, while scenes I missed are in bold.

  • locker room [5]
  • “butts” conference [1]
  • Goose and Maverick talk about Maverick’s daddy issues [4]
  • Charlie calls Mav “aggressive,” gives him her address
  • volleyball [6]
  • Charlie’s house (no sex) [3]
  • elevator scene [7]
  • Goose’s wife arrives at the airport [2]
  • computer tactics class [8]
  • motorcycle car chase [9]
  • blue sex [10]
  • need for speed
  • combat practice with Viper, Maverick leaves his wingman
  • “HAVE A BANDIT DAY” locker room scene
  • Maverick looks at a photo of his dad
  • “Great Balls of Fire” bar scene [16]
  • Maverick/Charlie motorcycle make-out
  • fatal combat practice [11]
  • green water clutching [12]
  • sink sadness time [13]
  • car sadness time [18]
  • Goose’s personal items sadness time
  • Goose’s wife sadness time [17]
  • board of inquiry scene [14]
  • more combat practice [20]
  • Mav flips out on Sundown [21]
  • locker room sadness time with Iceman
  • bar sadness time with Charlie [15]
  • Viper’s house sadness time with Viper [19]
  • Charlie’s house is for rent
  • Maverick watches planes go whoosh
  • graduation scene [22]
  • Stinger gives orders, Ice is concerned about Mav [23]
  • MiG combat [24]
  • Hollywood is down, Mav goes up
  • jetwash freaks Mav out, dog tags of strength [25]
  • Ice gets hit, loses an engine
  • Mav pulls back, kills MiG [26]
  • Buzz the Tower 2: The New Batch (of Coffee)
  • you can be my wingman any time [27]
  • Stinger congratulates Maverick [28]
  • Fightertown bar ending [29]

Well, that wasn’t so bad. I just missed THE ONLY LINE FROM THE FILM THAT WAS ON THE AFI’S 100 GREATEST MOVIE QUOTES LIST.

“I feel the need to call Bill a complete idiot.”

I vaguely remember certain writing teachers telling me that, when you write, the beginning and end of a story always stay with you, while the middle is easier to forget. This goes for novels, films, poems, even individual sentences. I’m not sure how true that is, but I would like to remind you that Ty lost a bet.