Have you seen my little Top Gun Results notebook? Meet… well, it doesn’t have a name, it’s a notebook.


The pen’s name, however, is Penny Loggins.

I carry this sucka everywhere I go, jotting down anything I consider relevant to this experiment. As evidenced by yet another Kenny Loggins joke back there (James Tolkan wisecracks are forthcoming, I promise), my issue this first week is mostly music.

Behold, the notebook’s contents from Week One (translated from shorthand and shitty penmanship, of course).

Jan. 1, 2012, 8:03pm EST
Saw a picture of a pen with “Maverick” on it and my eyes got all big.

Jan. 2, 2012, 12:14pm EST
“Highway to the Danger Zone” stuck in head. [This is not the correct title, but that’s what I wrote. Silly me.]

Jan. 2, 2012, 12:28pm EST
At Hannaford, thought about having sex specifically “on the premises.”

Jan. 2, 2012, 1:01pm EST
Started mouthbuzzing the riff from “Highway to the Danger Zone,” began wondering what song it was from, shouted, “FUCK, that’s Top Gun!” aloud.

Jan. 4, 2012, 5:46am EST
While playing GoldenEye on Nintendo Wi-Fi, started humming “Highway to the Danger Zone.” Sewer map. Took 3rd place. Racked up 265 XP and the following accolades:

SHARP SHOOTER
BLINK OF AN EYE
MERCENARY
BUTTER HOOK


I do better on Facility.
Friend Code: 090942137257

Jan. 4, 2012, 9:37pm EST
My friend Marie put on a fuzzy aviator jacket at the same time my friend Kevin said, “Where’s the danger in that?” (In reference to pleasuring oneself with a beer can.) This made me think of Top Gun.

Jan. 5, 2012, 2:19am EST
Began humming the score from Top Gun while walking home from Nancy and John‘s place. [“Top Gun Anthem” is the name, but I wrote “Top Gun Score” before I learned this. Silly me again. Watch the video and giggle your tears out.]

Jan. 5, 2012, 2:24am EST
Still walking; had a think about Twitter hashtags and buckminsterfullerenes and STARTED HUMMING THE TOP GUN SCORE AGAIN… literally 5 minutes later.

Jan. 5, 2012, 2:28am EST
Still walking; had a think about Jeanne Moos’ hard-hitting news stories on CNN and STARTED HUMMING THE SCORE AGAIN! Three times in a ten-minute period, and while actively trying not to do it. Conclusion: It is good “thinking while walking” music.

Jan. 5, 2012, 3:14am EST
Sitting at work; STARTED HUMMING SCORE AGAIN, actively trying to get it out of head, eventually will have to shorten songs to TGS (Top Gun Score) and H to DZ (“Highway to the Danger Zone”).

Jan. 5, 2012, 3:22am EST
While not stuck in head, realization that H to DZ partially reminds me of Oingo Boingo’s “Dead Man’s Party.” Think I have successfully transplanted DMP in H to DZ’s place, but this leaves TGS problem unresolved.

Jan. 5, 2012, 3:28am EST
Mentally replaced the TGS with the Jurassic Park theme, but a weird bitchin’ Top Gun hair ballad version of it. Fucking love it. Am now banging out to a beatbox turntable hip-hop JP remix I’m making up with my facehole.

[Wonder of wonders, I find out the hair ballad Jurassic Park is a real thing. I jot “THIS EXISTS” next to it in my notebook. Also, enjoy.]

[VIDEO REMOVED BY USER FOR BEING TOO AWESOME]

Jan. 5, 2012, 4:23am EST
Got TGS stuck in head while editing footage of airplanes. Was not mad because it was appropriate.

Jan. 5, 2012, 5:09am EST
HUMMING TGS AGAIN. Why??? And while cutting footage of David Hasselhoff? Did I activate the 80’s???


80’S ACTIVATED. TO OVERRIDE, INSERT POGS.

Jan. 6, 2012, 9:35am EST
Top Gun ANTHEM stuck in my head while working on Cinema 52, this website I do stuff on. No longer call it TGS, removing all 30 Rock comparisons. Now have the 30 Rock theme song stuck in my head.

Jan. 6, 2012, 9:57am EST
Totally pretended I didn’t start humming TGA by turning it into a made-up bebop scat. Shame consumes me. I long to think of anything besides this catchy music. Will settle for Val Kilmer sex dreams.


Wait, was Val Kilmer in Junior?

Jan. 6, 2012, 10:21am EST
More bebop TGA cheating!

Jan. 6, 2012, 2:45pm EST
THE NAME OF THE SONG IS “DANGER ZONE.” Learned this while looking up the soundtrack on Amazon. Purchased it. Thought about purchasing it. Thinking of violating spoiler rule and getting right to the scene where John Candy steals a baby.

–END OF NOTES–

Now, I didn’t ever jot it in the notebook, but I feel this is relevant data: I’ve also been singing the Spider-Man theme ever since hearing the marching band version of it during Nancy’s Spider-Man 3 viewing. So, I have a sticky brain that songs stick to. Considering this is what a single viewing does to me, I’m going to have to reduce entries on music to a simple TGA or DZ (or TMBA or YLTLF or PWTB).

Wait a minute, I won’t get “Playing With the Boys” stuck in my head, because it absolutely sucks. Right? That won’t happen.

Christ.